Saturday, February 26, 2005

Acceptance

First thing in the morning yesterday, Tom and I were supporting each other working out together, and I could tell he wasn't in the best mood. We talked and I understood where he was coming from, not being happy exactly with where he was in life right now. I was on the elliptical machine reading my Yoga Journal and feeling a little better myself about acceptance, and we had a short pep talk. About that Happiness is not about being thrilled about where you're at and what you are doing, but accepting yourself and your situation right now.

So taking that thought into my day, I tried to do that as well. I tried to accept that even though it was my day off that I'd get paged 4 times to complete a stupid spreadsheet that my boss wouldn't like the story the content tells, because he'd rather it be further ahead of schedule (Yeah, me too!). I tried to accept any issues that would come out of the sewing of the new quilt for our bed, as Tom and I tried to match up the intricate pattern (It came out great!).

All in all, I think I had a great day yesterday. Today will hopefully be another good day of acceptance. Phoebe has her last Ice Skating class of this session. The next one won't be until 19 March. And the best is that we're having dinner tonight with very old friends of ours. Their expecting their second son any day now, and while I'll admit to jelousy when they first told us after my second failed IVF. I'm truly happy for them now that I know we're finished for this lifetime. We haven't really seen much of these guys in the past few years. We've been friends for many years before, but things just haven't worked out. Schedules and life just seemed to take over. Anyway, it was a surprise call with the last minute question of if we were free tonight, and we were! It's great when things just fall into place sometimes.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Am I A Spring Chicken or Not?

I had an epipheny the other day. As usual when I color my hair a little lighter, when I go home I realize I look a lot like my mom did at my age. Then I realize why I know what my mom looked like at my age .... I was 17 when she was 34. It's hard to believe that if I was my mom, I would have a 17-year-old daughter and a 10-year-old son. It took us so long just to get our 4-year old daughter. We were married for almost 6 years before she came along, as opposed to my parents who did the pregnancy first and marriage later.

So I guess I have a habit of fooling myself that time hasn't gone by since I have a small child, but realizing how old I really am... It's a bit of a shocker. Did I mention my birthday is next month (34)? I feel like it's happened already. At least I have a month to get over this feeling and be happy to have my birthday when it happens.

We're going to Kansas City, MO for my birthday. Tom is going on a business trip and I'm going with him for fun. I really can't wait.

Good Morning, Blog Land!!!

Well, I'm finally taking the plunge and creating my own blog. I've been lurking on several blogs of my infertile sisters, been writing my little musings in journals for over 20 years, and I'm now entering the digital age. I guess I always liked the handwritten page, but it will be very nice to share my musings with friends (not sure about family) and my fellow bloggers.

I'm sure I'll need to put together an about me section, but I'll introduce myself for now. I'm a soon to be 34 year old woman with a husband, one daughter who is 4 years old, and a 7 month old Golden Lab puppy, as the second child is not about to come along anytime soon.

We suffer from sort of secondary infertility. I say sort of, because this is the time that it seems to have us beat. My daughter is a product of ovulation induction and IUIs (husband's no problem there!), after laporascopy to repair my endometriosis-ridden body. We immediately tried for DK2 on our own, but after her second birthday went back to the same doctor. One more laporascopy (sp?), 7 IUI cycles, 1 miscarriage, 2 IVFs, 1 integrin test later, no baby. After two years of treatments and strain on our marriage, we decided together to give it up and get a dog. I'm taking herbal treatments to regulate my cycle (short luteal phase), to keep things to 28 days so I can predict when I'll be getting it (makes the sex life better too!). We've been very happy in our second honeymoon phase, getting to know what we like for fun in bed again instead of having everything be so much work.

Well, I have to go. The elliptical machine is calling me. I also have to find out how much snow we're supposed to get tonight, so I can figure out if I'm going to work tomorrow.