Monday, July 31, 2006

For Those Keeping Score

I didn't make a home run this month. I'm happy I'm back on the right path though. Giving up coffee for me is huge. I've also been working on giving up dairy, and I've read up on another herb or two I should take to build up my Spleen Qi to increase my luteal phase and other getting older symptoms. I'm going to pick up some astragalus and atractylodes. I'm not going to take ginseng, as from what I've read that would be contraindicated for my heat symptoms I have as well. I'm just one big science experiment!

Went shopping a little yesterday and found some great sales at Ann Taylor. Spent less than $200 and got a black pencil skirt, black dress pants that fit awesome, black gaucho pants in the best silkyish fabric ever, and two v-neck sleeveless summer sweaters. I'm wearing the pencil skirt and one of the v-neck sleeveless sweaters. I feel like a million bucks.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Getting Over Myself

I think I've gotten over that dream now. I don't think I'll ever forget it, but I have to move past it.

I started reading my favorite parts of the book Inconceivable by Julia Indichova. This book has meant a lot to me in the past. It proves to me that I can take care of myself, no matter what. Holistic medicine is where it's at. That said I've given up coffee, dairy and wheat products again (starting today!) and taking my herbs. Part of it is that even if I don't get pregnant, I don't want to slip back into pre-menopause again. Short monthly cycles, low sex drive and irritability is not where I want to be.... ever!

That said, I spotted on Tuesday, a week after ovulation. I thought immediately that I was going to start one of my 21-day monthly cycles, but it went away??? I'm trying not to get excited thinking that maybe it'll be implantation spotting. I want to think I've thought these things before and was disappointed in the end. So we'll see. But keep your fingers crossed for me anyway!

The cool thing is I saw a shooting star Tuesday night while walking the dog. When I came home is when I noticed my friend Spot. If this does turn out to be a pregnancy that does have a happy outcome and it's a girl, I think I'd like to convince Tom for her middle name to be Star. Paige Star... Piper Star... They both have good name rings. With our last name they sound even better. Ewhh, but now I just thought of Star Jones. She's a little wierd.

Monday, July 24, 2006

With Sleep Comes Odd Dreams

We had an OK weekend. Had fabulous dinner party for 6 (including us) on Saturday night. Neither Tom nor I cooked and the food was fabulous. The dinner was for two of Tom's study partners at Villanova and their spouses. The daughter of one of Tom's study partners cooked with a friend of hers from school. She's going to school to be a chef at Drexel University (our alma mater). Her friend was pre-med at Drexel, but works in a kitchen. Needless to say, our kitchen got used to the fullest. All plates were used. Many gadgets were used, especially my 14-year-old KitchenAid mixer. Here was the menu (Rachel created the menu and sent to us a month ago):
  • Pre-appetizer (I can't spell the French word for this. It sounds amoosing, LOL): cantelope with a bit of cream sauce wrapped in proscuitto with a mint leaf on top.
  • Appetizer (two appetizers, three of each) - 1. tomato and mozzarella salad with pesto sauce between layers with balsamic vinegar on top. 2. crab salad in cylindrical shape - bottom layer was avocado with lime juice, middle layer of pico de gallo, top layer of crab meat in a cream sauce with roasted red and yellow pepper puree on each side of plate.
  • Entree (two entrees, three of each) - 1. pan seared tilapia, mushroom risotto, steamed asparagus. 2. pan grilled filet mignon with au jus, mashed potatoes made with purple fingerling potatoes and roasted garlic, and sauteed spinach.
  • Dessert - homemade tiramisu

Everyone loved the food, the house, and it was nice to talk to some of the people at this dinner without keeping an eye on our kids (we all had sitters).

Here's where the deep part of the post comes in. I got some good sleep this weekend which led to actually having dreams, or at least remembering them. I had one that really stuck in my mind. I only remember a piece, but it was very strange. I quite believe I know what it means. I remember sitting in a tub (none of these people or places were familiar to me), with a very frail woman bent over in the tub crying and I was holding her and comforting her. Over me stood a very large angry man and he was yelling at the frail woman. I got the impression it was a case of domestic violence and this happened to her a lot. I was feeling that if I wasn't there the man would hit her. I didn't stand up, but I started yelling at the man to go away and leave her alone while I still held her. I felt that if I yelled at him and was firm, he would go away and that he wouldn't hit me, only her if I didn't protect her. I remember he left and my mind was racing with things I would do to take care of her and get her away from this abuse. Just thinking about this dream can make me shake inside. Please understand, there's no domestic abuse in my house. My very darling husband would never think of raising a hand to me. He also would never be verbally abusive to me. He is supportive of me in every way. But I figured out who these characters really were in my subconsious and what the true meaning of this was. All three characters in a way were me. The large man was my overly critical part of myself that always wants me to handle everything better. I think my brain can be quite abusive to myself sometimes. It's not that I want things to be perfect (I think I do, but I've been working on that), but I do expect myself to handle things better than I do. The frail woman is my inner scared being that sometimes wishes I could crawl back under the covers and have everything made OK when things are going bad. The real me that was acting in the dream doing the comforting and standing up to the large scary man was the real me, strong and trying to deal with life's up and downs while comforting the inner me that is really, really scared.

OK, I'm ready to cry now thinking about this dream, but that's what it was and I'm trying to think what I can do to act on what I saw. Some of it I knew was good. I need to stand up to my inner critic, but I'm worried about the frail woman I saw that needed to be comforted. I hope I'm up for it.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Power Outages, Flat Tires & More!

What a crap week! I'm so glad it's over! The crap part started Tuesday night at 7 PM. It was a beautiful, hot summer evening. I had chicken on the grill, Phoebe playing upstairs with her friend from next door (it was too hot to play outside), I was straightening up the kitchen and putting a salad together to go with the grilled chicken. All of a sudden, the lights in the kitchen go out. I look over at the ceiling fan in living room and it was turning off. WTF???? I look outside and the wind is really kicking up and the sky is getting dark. I go outside to put down the patio umbrella and notice the gas grill fires were blown out by the wind. No point in lighting it again, it was so windy. I call the girls down and told her friend she should go home. I'd watch her walk next door it was so windy. I would've walked with her, but Phoebe's freaking out that there's going to be a tornado. I try explaining that we know what to do if that happens, but she's still freaking out. I get the chicken put away in the fridge, get out all the candles, and start Plan B for dinner. Tuna salad sandwiches. Then we did have some fun. When the wind died down, I lied to Phoebe and told her there would be no tornado. I say lie because I really couldn't promise that, but the calm "Mommy knows what to do" routine wasn't working to ease her mind. So we ate dinner and played cards. I taught her how to play War. She loved it. Then she didn't want to go to bed in her own room. Not because of the thunderstorm, but because her night light couldn't be on. We still had no power. So I let her sleep in our bed and came up to read a book in bed myself. Tom was still on his way back from NYC via train for work. He got home around 1 AM. Phoebe might have fallen asleep a little before that. She couldn't fall asleep. The whole time I'm reading, she's tossing and turning. When I got tired around 11 PM, she was still up and I told her to stop kicking her legs around, because now I'm trying to sleep.

The power came back on at 5 AM. The central air conditioner turning back on woke me up even though it's on the opposite side of the house because I was sleeping that light. I set the clock to wake up in a hour and went back to bed. An hour later, I go to the gym to work out on the elliptical machine. Halfway through the power goes out again for 5 minutes. I wasn't about to start over. It took enough energy to get me there in the first place.

I'm on my drive to work and I get a flat tire (yes this does get worse). I call Tom, who was home on a conference call for work, and tell him I need him to come change my tire. The wonderful man he is, he immediately came to my rescue. I canceled my chiropractor appointment that morning because of the flat tire, and managed to get Phoebe to school in time for the special program they had that day where they hired someone to bring in all kinds of cool animals. Kind of a traveling petting zoo. She knew they were coming, and I was glad I didn't disappoint her.

I went to the car dealer to find out I need 4 new tires, my front brakes done and I already knew my driver's side headlight was out. Let's not go into how much that cost me.

I had never been so glad to get to work. After work, the cable modem wouldn't give our LAN/router a DHCP address. After several reboots I got Tom's laptop to work directly connected to the cable modem, so he could take his conference call with his MBA project group at 9 PM. In the process, I burnt the microwave popcorn I was making because I forgot about it when Tom called me to come into the study to look at the Internet connectivity issue.

So right now, my house still smells like burnt popcorn, the cable modem needs to be restarted every time you put a new computer on it, and we have a dinner party tomorrow night. Thank goodness I don't have to cook, as one of Tom's classmate's daughter is a chef and she's cooking for us. I just need to take care of coffee, drinks, and get the house to smell normal.

Believe it or not, I'm feeling much better today. I feel like I've been at the bottom and things can only go up from here.... Right?

BTW, I'm not the only one having a hard time. My SIL got laid off this week. Poor kid. It was a really crappy job, though and she was already interviewing to find a new one. I think that's why she ended up on the list. They knew she was looking elsewhere already.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Some Rantings, Proud Mama Stories and Arm Farts

I've really been in a funk the past few days. I'm getting a lot done at work, but not much on the home front. But in general, it seems like things always take longer than I would like them to. I just wish sometimes I could curl up in bed with a good book until this feeling goes away or vegetate in front of a recorded episode of Footballers Wives. Heck with that Desparate Housewives. Footballers Wives is much much better. And my hair looks like Tanya's these days. That scares me quite a bit. Maybe I could get a new career if I develop some of those "over-acting" faces. LOL!

Phoebe keeps me smiling though. She's really gotten into watching Star Trek: The Next Generation with me. I love this and the original show. The themes and existing life parallels are wonderful. We've been having some good conversations around the themes of the episodes. There's one we watched last week where Worf's son, Alexander, is not interested in learning to fight like other Klingon's do. That he does not want to kill a simulated warrior in the Halodeck. Phoebe asked me why not. I asked her why she thought so. It took awhile to get her real feelings out of her. I mentioned that Alexander is only a little older than her and how would she feel if she was told to kill someone. She said she wouldn't want to because it was mean. Sounds like a heavy conversation to have with a five-year-old, but we talked alot about how Alexander grows up to use his intellect and communication skills to help Klingons find peace, which is the final point of the episode. She really gets it, so I don't mind talking at what some people may say is above her age level.

She also loves math. I had three worksheets of addition in her cubby today. Her teacher said that it wasn't part of her lesson plan today, but Phoebe and her friend Sarah were playing a math game in the corner at school and then they were asking their teacher to confirm some of the addition they were working that was over 10. Phoebe and Sarah were the only kids to do these addition worksheets today. They asked for them. And they say girls aren't good in math! It kind of reminds me of when I was in first grade and this one boy and I used to compete to see who could memorize the higher multiplication tables first.

But I seem to be raising an athletic geek. She's really paying attention at ice skating and trying to do the skills over and over until she gets them right. It's kind of like the monkey bars at her grandparents house. She fell off them this weekend and was crying that her hip hurt. Everyone thought she was going to end up in the ER. Then she decided all of a sudden that she wanted to go in the pool. An hour later, she's back on the monkey bars. She just thinks its great that she can do these things and wants to keep at it until she gets it completely the way she wants it. V. determined. She's been learning a lot of new things lately. She's been snapping her fingers constantly. It's like living with my own do-wop singer. She can pour her own cereal and milk in the morning. She can not only brush her hair by herself, but recently learned how to put it in a ponytail. But out of all the things she's learned to do lately, the one she is most proud of is arm farts. Her cousin Jake taught her how to do arm farts and she thinks that's the best skill of all. I think I'd rather her be snapping her fingers.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Quiet Time

I'm going to have some serious quiet time from tonight to tomorrow evening. Tom is at school until about 5 PM Saturday evening, and Phoebe's at Tom's parents for the weekend enjoying some great pool time. I think I'm going to have some pampering time, take the dog for some long walks since it's not too hot out, watch some of my favorite movies (Bridget Jones, A&E's Pride & Prejudice), drink some wine, sleep late, clean the house. Lots of fun.

So in the meantime, I noticed that there are other people out there that love Johnny Depp as much as I do. The People magazine website have a photo collection they've put together of him as preparation for the new "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie out this weekend. Go check it out. I'll wait..... I might convince Tom we should go to a Sunday matinee to see the movie. I'm much more excited about Jack Sparrow than Orlando Bloom's character. I was popping through channels sometime last weekend and ended up watching "Finding Neverland." V.v.g. movie. I cried a lot at the end.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Ear Infections and Rambling Thoughts

Phoebe is getting over a double ear infection. As usual, no one could tell she wasn't feeling well until it was unbearable for her. She was at my ILs this past weekend, enjoying time with her cousins and the pool. We got a call at 2 AM on Saturday morning. Of course when I heard the phone ringing, I figured it was a wrong number and no reason to answer. Then it hits me, "Phoebe's not home. There's something wrong with her!" I woke up Tom to answer the phone as it's on his side of the bed. She woke up in the middle of the night screaming her ear hurt her. Tom's mom wanted to know what she could give her. Some Tylenol and time later, she's sleeping soundly and we're driving the 1 1/2 hours to pick her up, so we can take her to the ped during their Saturday morning emergency hours so we can get some antibiotics into her system. At the doctor's office she doesn't have a fever or any pain, and the Tylenol should've worn off by then. Still they confirmed, double ear infection, right one definately worse than the left. That afternoon, she played in the sprinkler with the neighbor girl. You would never have known she was screaming in pain a few hours before.

We were quiet the rest of the weekend. Stayed local, visited some friends, swam in their pool, tired Phoebe out in the pool. She's positively brown by now. She tans very quickly. I need to post some pics of her swimming this past weekend. She had a blast. We've decided we need to try to get a pool for next summer.

Random thought - I'd love to know who comes up with the names of roads and places. On the commute home every day, we run past a community called Coffee Run. It's right off Loveville Road. Who comes up with these??? And don't get me started on Blueball Road off I-95 in PA. That was on the commute to my old job. Used to make me laugh practically every day.