Joys In My Life

So here's my plan to go forward. I'm not going to be testing until Friday or Saturday again. Maybe this baby is holding out for her father to come home from his business trip. Maybe I'm not really pregnant. Maybe I am pregnant, but this one's not going to work out. I'm OK with all possibilities. I'm amazed that TCM has gotten me this far. Granted I sort of believed it might, as my infertility (other than having endo in the past) is unexplained. But I always had short luteal phases. Even for my first round of OI/IUI trying to have Phoebe, they didn't put me on progesterone suppositories. They thought I wouldn't need it as I almost hyperstimulated. Ha, I got AF on day 21, baby! I didn't even get a pregnancy test that cycle. After that I was always on progesterone. There's a part of me that wonders if I should call the doctor tomorrow and take a blood test, but then that would get me on the cycle of early ultrasounds and worrying. ...

I'm starting to feel more hopeful than ever that I will one day be pregnant on my own, without ART. As discussed in a previous post, even though my last cycle was a little messed up, my acupuncturist and I decided to stay the course and see what happens this month. I have to admit I've been a little worried, as my pre-ovulation BBTs have been pretty high for me (around 97.7 degrees). However, yesterday AM we started to turn a curve. My temps started going lower and today continued that trend. I can't wait to see if I ovulate on day 14 or if for some reason it goes longer. The main reason I'm feeling so good, is that on Monday at yoga class, I actually got a vision of me being in class pregnant and felt that it would happen sometime soon (and it wasn't because there was anyone pregnant in class to make me feel that way). But I felt so strong, young, and competent. I didn't have that old, crone, infertile feeling that usually pervades me. And I'm no...

I went to the acupuncurist today and we discussed my confused hormones. We decided to stay the current course of action for another month. The thought is that the herbs are trying to clean the junk out. I decided based on my reading to add a few more things. So for those curious my list of herbs/supplements are as follows (BTW, this may sound excessive, but this is OK according to "The Infertility Cure"): Breakfast & Dinner 3 spoons Tang Kui herbs GNC Women's Ultra Mega multivitamin Vitamin E - 400 IU Vitamin C - 1000 mg (2) Hyporil (supplement for low blood sugar) (3) Sheng Fa Wan (for nails, hair, and blood supplement) Omega-3 supplement (2) Evening Primrose Oil - 500mg* (will only take before ovulation) (2) Acidophilus - 1 billion CPU* Vitex - 500mg (morning only) Royal Jelly - 625mg* (morning only) Lunch (3) Tang Kui tablets Vitamin C - 1000mg (2) Acidophilus - 1 billion CPU* * New addition this month We'll see how the addition of these item...

It was so nice having us all together again, although I have to say this morning was hard getting everyone out the door. I now sit here wondering how I can make it through this week to find out if this month's babymaking worked or not. I have been so good this month: keeping my caffeine intake low, taking my TCM herbs, going to acupuncture every week, eating the right foods, keeping the stress level low, doing yoga and other moderate exercise. Right now for my afternoon snack I'm having Red Rasperry Leaf Tea, some walnuts, pumpkin seeds, and dried apricots. I've turned into a nut!!! But at this point I believe it will all work someday and that's all that matters. We had a great weekend, relaxed at home a little, finalized (we believe) the home options for the new house, and went to the in-laws for the 4th. Phoebe played in her grandparents pool most of the day, and even held one of her distant baby cousins for a long time. He's about 5 months old now. He ...

We now begin the boring end of the month, the two week wait. According to my temp chart, I ovulated yesterday, which is exactly what I believed. I felt ovulation pains in the afternoon, and last night my breasts were much fuller and sensitive. What made me really happy is that I believe Tom is OK with the fact that I'm still trying to get pregnant. He asked me in the car to tell him honestly if I was. I told him yes, but that I was trying not to obsess about it. I think I mostly am trying not to have it drive me nuts is because I'm convinced it will happen. Then last night after I picked him up from the train back from NYC, I told him I was ovulating. By the time we got to bed it was really late, but he still made sure he convinced me we should have some fun. I think secretly he wants more children too, but doesn't want to put too much pressure on me. I found a new store I like to go to. It's the Newark Natural Foods Co-op . Great place. I was able to buy...

Don't be silly! It's over 90 degrees here! I meant my BBT dropped. I guess AF will show up tomorrow. I'm really not sure. I've never had my temp drop before I got my period. Usually my period used to show up before my temps dropped. So we'll see. Went to the acupuncturist this morning. We talked about my PMS and whether or not she wanted to change my formula to something other than what her husband has had me on. She took my pulse for a really, really, long time. We talked about how tired I was feeling and my pulse was weak. She did change my formula, so we'll see how that goes. Tom's out of town on business for the rest of the week, so tonight Phoebe and I are going to the Italian festival in Wilmington. We're meeting her friend Isabelle and her mom, we'll do some rides, and then get a bite to eat. Phoebe is excited to try some cotton candy. She's never had it before and during the winter I told her that they have it at this fe...

We had such a great day today. One of my favorite lines from music is the Dream Acadamy’s “Life in a Northern Town.” It goes, “And the morning lasted all day….all day.” I so understand what that line means and feel sometimes it is so nice to aspire to them. A day where you really don’t notice time passing, you feel like it could go on forever. Today was just like that. It was an ordinary Sunday with the in-laws just like any other day. We went to my sister-in-laws, and Phoebe was playing in the backyard with her cousins. Then Tom decided go outside and play a game with the kids. They seemed to call it Dinosaur Tag. Tom ran around the backyard pretending to be a dinosaur, he’d grab the kids and put them in his lair until one of the other kids ran over and tagged the one out of the lair. What was really funny was how he hung Phoebe upside down by her ankles and she loved every minute of it. Then we went to Tom’s parents and Phoebe decided to strip down to her underwear and ...

We went out to Don Pablo's tonight for their Wednesday fajita special, and don't forget the strawberry margaritas! I got too full tonight. Then we came home and I setup VPN access to work on the new Windows XP laptop, as the other one is two days older than dirt. I then proceeded to work for about an hour and a half. Hopefully, tomorrow at work I'll feel more caught up. I need to have more time to catch up on my new job. Acupuncture was nice yesterday. She also placed some heat over the belly areas that had needles in them. I have to admit the one thing nice is that my boobs don't hurt post-ovulation. This is a good thing. They used to be pretty bad. You couldn't go anywhere near them. The book I've been reading, The Infertility Cure, says that is the sign of an imbalance, if they hurt. I can't remember which imbalance. I'm exhausted now, so I'm going to go upstairs stretch a little bit, and go to bed with a good book. Good night!

I went in for my first acupuncture session this morning. I really liked it. It was very relaxing, just as everyone says. Some of the needles being put in I noticed a twinge, others I never noticed they were being put in. The wierdest part was the one spot on my outer right calf seemed really sensitive. I noticed that needle being there even while I was lying back and relaxing. It wasn't painful. It was just a tingling sensation that it was there. Very strange. I'll have to see if that point is in The Infertility Cure and what it might mean. I'll be going back a week from today for follow up acupuncture. I'm really glad I'm going this route. Yesterday, Tom and I were doing some gardening, and I noticed his allergies were really acting up. I didn't have a problem at all. It was really nice considering I'm usually the queen of seasonal allergies around here. I'm going out to lunch tomorrow with Julie and Al from work. They are all moving to an...

I had an overall good weekend. Got the beginnings of AF on Friday. She officially arrived on Saturday. Not to get to personal, but I think the TCM herbs may be working. Things were a lot less clotty than they usually are. AF is usually not painful for me, but lots of clots and very heavy. It really hasn't been very heavy, and I've only seen a few small clots, but nothing as bad as it usually is. Went to nephew's birthday party Saturday afternoon. Went out with DH to a friends on Saturday night. I think I had too much to drink. I felt very off all day Sunday. Sunday we went to the new house to pick out selections on tile, cabinets, etc. It was exhausting. I think one of the best things was that I cleaned up a bunch of Hot Spots on Saturday morning, including lots of receipts and stuff to update the checkbook. And Sunday night, Phoebe got a bath, washed her hair, watched Charmed Season finale, cleaned my upstairs rooms, and exercised on the elliptical machine for ...

I'm so ready for the weekend! It's Friday afternoon. I'm here at work. Lots of things are at a standstill. I started getting AF this morning. It's 3-4 days early. That means this was a 23 - 24 day cycle. Hopefully my herbs will start kicking in the next few months and straighten that out. I've been eating lots of healthy foods: oatmeal at breakfast (no sugar with raisins), lentil and rice soup for lunch, and trying to make nice dinners at night. Other than the ice cream I've been allowing myself at night for family dessert and the 1-2 cups of coffee a day I'm still needing. I've been OK. I need to cut those out though. Tom will be in NYC overnight for work. They're doing some kind of power thing out there. So it's just Phoebe and I tonight. I've planned for us to go grocery shopping tonight and then get lots of cleaning and clean up some papers at home. Hopefully it will be a productive evening. We're picking up Tom at th...

My appointment with the TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine) doctor went well yesterday. I now have lots of pills to take twice a day with my regular vitamins, and a powder to take three times a day. I'll go back in two weeks to see his wife who will adjust my herbs and do acupuncture. He indicated that his wife did work in an infertility clinic in China and that she has gotten many a woman pregnant here at their practice. So the question is ... do I dare hope? I think I should keep a positive attitude, it'll help the process. We also talked about my other issues too, and he believes they are all related to the same underlying problems: low blood pressure, low blood sugar, bruising, fatigue, mild IBS, low sex drive. So the herbs I'm taking should be working on them all and not just my infertility. What a novel concept! Me as a whole person, and not just my parts. I'll keep you all posted.

I'll have two new joys in my life... We're signing to build the house in Landenburg, PA this Sunday. I also did accept the internal position last Friday. We're trying to work out my transition date. I'm trying very hard to relax, but with these things going on it's getting very hard. I've been trying to read The Infertility Cure , but I wish I could speed through it. I want to know everything I can do now before I go in next Monday to Chrysalis. I guess I need to remind myself to slow down and that it is a process. I might not go to yoga today to walk to the Riverfront Market with some work friends for lunch. I think I could use that right now.

Yesterday I called out sick and slept all day. I was so sick it didn't even affect my ability to sleep through the night. I went to bed around 10 PM. I woke up a few times, but was able to go right back to sleep. I still feel bad but I was good enough to go into work today. Today I called about the house. We're still trying to find out if it is possible to put an inground pool in the way the land is situated. They still don't know. But then Tom and I called to extend our Home Equity Line of Credit and got some good news there. We're looking to do this for the down payment on building the new house, but if we're not sold on the idea of that one, we can pay off all our credit card bills and the car payments! That would free up a lot of our cash flow for other things we could do around the current house. I also called Chrysalis Natural Medicine Clinic and made an appointment for 5/16/05. I've been reading The Infertility Cure and I'm really interested to see ...