Saturday, June 30, 2007

Been Busy with Bridget Jones Fan Fiction

Sorry I haven't been around. Things have been busy around here with painting walls, working and such. What free time I've had has been spent enjoying the Bridget Jones fan fiction found at SFaith's LiveJournal site . She posts on fanfiction.net but there is a lot of stories on her livejournal site that weren't posted. She is an awesome writer of BJD fan fic. I get totally lost in it.

OK. I can't understand where all the other icons on my toolbar went for writing posts on blogger? I have spell check and insert a picture. All the other formatting and creating links are gone! That's why I didn't create a link to sfaith's website. I can't seem to do it. Another reason to push me to doing more with my mac and posting my blog elsewhere. If I ever do, I'll leave a trail of breadcrumbs behind.

We have our 8-year-old nephew until later this afternoon. Him and Phoebe had a two night sleepover. We took them out to dinner last night and it was so funny. The faces they made and how Phoebe hung all over her Jake.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Weekend Updates

Had a great weekend. On Saturday, I cleaned the house like a demon while Tom got his car brakes fixed at the repair shop. I had amazing energy. After I finished the house, I went right to the yard and finished all the weeding in the flower beds and put down Preen to keep the weeds at bay. This is the first time I'm using Preen, so I'm not sure how it's going to go yet. After that, we went out for dinner with friends.

Sunday, Father's Day, Tom was supposed to go to Virginia for work. He found out he needed to on Saturday because of issues with a project down there. So we changed our plans that we wouldn't see Phoebe and his parents on Father's Day. I was a bit bummed, but figured when he got back Sunday night, we could have some relaxing time together. When he went to leave, I noticed he had an overnight bag. I asked him what was in the bag. He said "A change of clothes." I asked what he needed a change of clothes for and he said he was staying overnight because he had to be there first thing in the morning! I was shocked. He was leaving and I didn't know I wasn't going to see him until late the next day. I started getting all teary-eyed. Thirteen years of marriage and I still get teary-eyed if I'm not prepared for him to be away for a long time. Thankfully, he ended up turning around and coming back. He found out that the folks at the Virginia site were leaving soon and he wouldn't see them that day, so he figured he might as well just leave early Monday morning and we could still go see his folks and Phoebe.

Phoebe's doing OK. She's having a great time at her grandparents. Her cousin Jake was staying overnight and they were talking about getting up early to help make breakfast and "Da's coffee" in the morning. The are too cute together. Almost like brother and sister. Her stomach was hurting yesterday and there was a stomach virus going around the house, but it sounds like she just got it very mild. Her stomach hurt and that was all. It definately didn't keep her from going in the pool and wrestling with Jake on the sofa. I called this morning and she's feeling much better.

I have my every other week appointment with my acupuncturist tomorrow. I'm curious to see how he feels my pulse points are doing. I've been trying very hard to take deep breaths and relax. Today I went and sat at the park for lunch, ate, read some of "The Fertile Female." It's funny I was realizing how decadent it felt just to sit by myself and chill out. For so many years I've always had to be pushing myself to do more and be more. It felt so bad (yet so good) to just sit with my own thoughts and relax on a park bench under a tree.

Friday, June 15, 2007

HSG Update

I had my HSG test yesterday and all systems are go. Tubes look all clear. Test hurt like a bugger though. I forgot how much that test sucks. It's 10 times worse than an endometrial biopsy, cause at least they go in, snip and their done. This test the catheter is above your cervix and shooting in dye for a few minutes. Really bad words almost came out of my mouth very loud. I know I screamed a bit, but the worst thing I said was "Oh, Shit!" Anyway glad that's over.

Not sure what we're going to do with this info yet. Tom and I get to have the fun conversation about if we should go back to the RE. If we did, I think I would stick to ovulation induction and IUIs (with DH's potent sample of course, that man could populate the earth!). I did get an email from someone anonymously to have him wear boxers and that worked for them to have their second. While I appreciate the well-meant advice, that's not our problem. He's always worn boxers, prefers them actually. The problem is all me, and we don't know what it is. It's completely unexplained. Our daughter is from infertility treatments after having really bad endometriosis. After having her, I've had no endo and no pregnancies either. I had one when we went back to the doctor, but the baby had genetic issues and the heart stopped around 10 weeks.

Anyway, things have been going well on the holistic front. I love my acupuncturist/TCM guy. I love my chiropractor. Eating really healthy is getting easier every day. It's become second nature for me to say "No, thank you" to coffee these days in favor of chamomile or peppermint tea. I love my juicer and use it every morning for breakfast. I take my herbs, vitamins and wheatgrass juice daily. I've been making myself dinners of browned millet with stir fried brocolli on the side. And the truth is that it's all come on so gradually that it doesn't feel like I'm trying to be a martyr or that I'm missing out on anything. I'm feeling really healthy and good about myself.

Next Tuesday, I plan on going to yoga classes that my old yoga teacher has near my office after work. I used to be very lucky that he used to teach classes at the gym at my work, but they closed the gym for insurance reasons, and I've been trying to practice on my own. Some times are better than others. This past week, I've been making an effort to practice every night. I could tell my body wasn't used to it anymore as after the first night my muscles in my butt ached something fierce and I wasn't even doing anything very strenuous.

I'm trying to renew my committment to my practice for a few reasons, one is that it will help with my Liver Qi stagnation. I really need to try to breathe deeply and not be so high strung. The second part has to do with the things I'm finding out doing the imagery exercises by Julia Indichova. The one exercise has you seeing a heavy backpack on your baby who's trying to make the journey to you. In the backpack, you can see all the things you believe having this baby will bring you and you need to try to identify what they are and think about them. I came up with the following:
1. Confidence in my body and what it can do for me.
2. Sharing/showing the love for my husband.
3. Sharing/showing the love for my family.
4. The ability to have fun decorating a baby room (believe me this sounds wierd, but I didn't get to do it the first time around).
5. A better pregnancy experience than the last one (there was a lot of tension due to medical issues that kept popping up).

The concept of doing this exercise is to free the baby from this weight of expectation. Some of the things you identify you can do without having a baby and you can work on that to free yourself from these feelings. Granted I can do everything but #5. Here's what I'm doing with these items:
1. Practice yoga, go for walks with the dog, work out on the elliptical machine, feel good about what my body can do now.
2. Spend more time with DH and share the love we have now without a second child.
3. Spend more family time and time alone with DD. Enjoy what we have now. These moments will never be here again.
4. While I'm not going to decorate a baby room right now, we have many rooms in our new house to decorate. We bought paint for 3 rooms on the first floor next weekend. We're going to get started painting this weekend.
5. Can't do a thing about that one.

I'm also still thinking on my creative outlet of starting to write some Bridget Jones fan fiction and posting it on fanfiction.net. I need to find some time for it this weekend. The cool thing is that my story line doesn't include Bridget having infertility issues. I'd rather live vicariously through her.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Strange Dream and Taking it Easy

I had a very wierd dream this weekend. Again I'm still making sense of it as usual. I had to catch a flight to go home from somewhere, and I was running late because I hadn't finished packing everything I brought. What really struck me was the oddness of all the things I had brought on the trip. I think I had brought everything I owned except the kitchen sink! It really struck me when I started packing my grandmother's china. That is sitting in my basement in a box as an heirloom for Phoebe someday. Now that I'm thinking about it, I can't wait to have the butler's pantry put in our house so I can put it in an actual cabinet and maybe use it sometimes. Right now I just don't have any place to put it except in storage. But I don't think that was the point. I think it was trying to tell me two things that drive me crazy about myself. One: I always feel like I'm late to everything (even when I'm not, my heart is racing). Two: I always feel like everything needs to be perfect in order to get what I want. These are both things I need to work on.

I definately did work on these things today. I had a glass of vegetable juice from my new juicer this morning for breakfast along with my vitamins and herbs. At work, I had a glass of hot water with lemon and then I had a mug of dandelion tea. For lunch, I heated up a bowl of kitchari (mung beans and rice) I made yesterday morning and brought it to the local park. I sat, relaxed and enjoyed my soup. When I finished eating, I read some of "The Fertile Female" from Julia Indichova. I've read it before, but now I'm re-reading it to take it slow and savor every word. My favorite paragraph today was the following:

"Most of us tend not to "go into ourselves" until we have gone everywhere else, getting a second, third, and umpteenth opinion, and still finding ourselves clueless about our next move. A friend of mine calls this "fiddling with the dial" rather than waiting for the reception to clear."

This is so me! I hate to wait for anything. Sometimes I tend to push more than wait for things to settle out in time. Which we all know is completely ridiculous as everything does work out the way it's meant to in its own way.

Friday, June 08, 2007

Have Been Gone a Long Time

Not that I've gone on vacation or anything. We've just been really busy. I have a ton of things to post about and some pics to post too. I'm blogging from work (shhh!), right now, so I'll have to catch up on the pics later.

AF showed up yesterday, so I have my HSG test scheduled for next Thursday the 14th. I'm still seeing my acupuncturist and I feel things are going well, except for that this month I started spotting 3-4 days before getting AF. However, I know I was drinking coffee again last month and had a thoroughly enjoyed the music festival at the vineyard (and the wine too!). I must admit that I took an HPT before going to the vineyard.

We got a juicer yesterday and I'm really enjoying it. Made a glass of celery, kale, cucumber and apple last night for dessert (LOL!) and for breakfast this morning it was carrot, kale, beet, parsely and apple. I'm doing a minor juice fast today. Haven't done one in awhile. At lunchtime I walked down to the Riverfront Market and bought a juice from the veggie stand there. It was carrot, ginger and apple. I say minor, as I did have two dates at my desk to help with my blood sugar level. Last time I tried to do this I had a horrible headache by the end of the day from the blood sugar issues.

Other than that I'm feeling energized. I was feeling kind of blah after DH graduated school. Needed to veg out a lot. Now there's lots of things I want to get done and I feel a bit unstoppable. Yesterday, I got the kitchen straightened up nice and neat, actually got ready for the next day the night before, which I haven't done in awhile. Also worked out this morning on the elliptical machine. I've been pretty bad about that lately as well. Tonight I want us to get to Direct Buy and order some stuff we've been wanting and keep putting off. Hope everyone has a great weekend!