Monday, October 30, 2006

Long Overdue

I've been having a hard time posting lately. Just trying to find the time. Very, very busy, but also still figuring lots of things out. My temps have been all over the place. I have no idea what's going on. The herbalist that I talked to did recommend another TCM practicioner/acupuncturist, but I'd rather wait until after the holidays because of the cost.

I have been able to get back on my exercise program again, being able to go down to the basement to use the elliptical machine a few times a week and practicing yoga a few times a week on my own or with a DVD. So I should have no complaints there.

I just have so much to get done and have periods of not wanted to do any of it, but escaping with some Bridget Jones fan fiction, TV, or what have you. I need to get the better of this. I know it's my Pisces nature that I need to keep myself on track.

Anyway, I made a lovely dinner last night. It was simple and not necessary health food, but very good. It was crab cakes and french fries. But these were awesome crab cakes... no mayo in the recipe and very little breading. Both Tom and Phoebe thought they were fantastic. I also baked a from scratch carrot spice cake in a pumpkin shaped cake pan last night. We're going to ice and decorate it tonight for dessert. I bought cream cheese to make homemade cream cheese icing (my favorite!) and Phoebe wants me to color it orange and decorate a jack o' lantern face on it. Why not?! Sounds like fun!

Monday, October 16, 2006

Live From NYC

I'm at a Data Management conference for work today and tomorrow. I arrived by train last night. DH came with me, as he has some work to do up here. It was really nice to have a relaxing dinner last night. We've talked more in the past 24 hours about things that usually stay unsaid. It's been very nice. I've cried a few times, but it's been very healing.

We almost thought I got pregnant this month, but AF showed up for real yesterday afternoon. We talked about our mixed feelings if it did happen ... Phoebe being so self-sufficient, going back to diapers is so not fun ... Phoebe is at such a wonderful age. She enjoys going places and doing a lot of the things we do ... We're not as young as we used to be ... will we have the energy with our pace of life to do babyhood again? But then we talked about the perks and I was very honest. I mentioned that I might feel better about my body, not feeling like it's defunct or broken. He admitted he knows that's been on my mind the past 8 or 10 years now. That's a long time to feel broken. I think he knows he'd feel the same way if it was a problem on his side. That his manliness would be in question as much as my womanliness is in my mind.

We talked a lot more at dinner. By that time we knew we talked too soon. I still told him it was a very good conversation to have at any time. Our 12th anniversary is next week and we talked about how different our lives are than we thought they would be. We're still very happy with them. But we both brought up the topic that we both thought we'd have a son as well as a daughter. I cried a bit at dinner admitting this both to ourselves. But I also had some tears of happiness. I feel so lucky to have him in my life. We both understand each other so completely.

BTW, dinner was fabulous. We ate at a very small Argentinian restaurant on 9th Ave between 43rd and 44th Streets. It was very cozy and romantic. We got back to the room and I did my nails and went to bed.

When I get back, I'm going to contact someone that has an office near my work that does herbal therapies at the local Birth Center. They do GYN care at the Birth Center too, so I'm going to contact her and see if she's ever worked with infertility issues. The description also says that she'll probably give diet and exercise modifications, and I really felt that was missing with my acupunturist. I didn't feel a connection with her. I felt she thought I should be happy with what I have and not need another child. She didn't seem to talk to me too much about diet and exercise, stress reduction and the like. I'm hoping to find someone I can partner with on this journey. I let you all know how it goes.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Passion #1 - Music

As the days go by and I'm trying to push myself into remembering what I'm passionate about in life, I'm going to record them as I find them.

I got the family room curtains finished last night. They look gorgeous. Having beautiful fabric hanging on walls really warms a room up. Tom also finished hanging up the 5' hand-carved Thai wood medallion on the wall over the fireplace. The room looks fabulous.

In order to keep myself motivated sewing the curtains, I brought DD's Barbie CD player into the room I'm sewing in and played really upbeat music. I went through The Indigo Girls, Erasure, and lots of The Beatles. Can't go wrong with The Beatles. The room I was sewing in has no blinds or curtains and it's on the first floor with bright lights. I can imagine what the neighbors thought as I was bopping away until midnight sewing up a storm. I picked that room as it has the most space and bright lights to work in. My sewing room will be in the basement once we finish it. I'll have to make sure I have a good sound system down there when we set it up.

Countdown to party on target. Next steps: Tonight - clean house after Phoebe's ice skating class; Tomorrow - grocery shopping (ACME and Costco in one night). Whew!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

If You're Not Sure of Passion, Just Stay Busy

Really busy, busy day today. Work is slamming me since I'll be at a conference out of town the beginning of next week. We're have a lot to do before the birthday party for FIL on Saturday. I need to finish the living room curtains tonight. I just love sewing two stories worth of fabric four times over (sarc). I did finish one of the four panels last night, though and it looks awesome! I have to finish them tonight, because I have to finish cleaning tomorrow night and we're going grocery shopping for the party on Thursday night.

DH is also really busy between work, hanging a 5' hand-carved wood medallion from Thailand over the fireplace mantel. It used to be in our bedroom at the old house, but our new bedroom while roomier, doesn't have a wall to put it on that makes sense. He got the middle piece hung up last night and I can tell it's going to look so cool.

Well I have to go as I'm still at work at almost 6 PM. Tom picked up Phoebe since work is slamming me, but those curtains won't sew themselves!

Monday, October 09, 2006

Finding the Passion

We've been very busy the past few weeks. Phoebe starting school, having issues, being grounded, getting through that, having a birthday (very low key), and we're getting ready for a huge surprise party for FIL this Saturday. It'll be about 80 people at our house and we're cooking. I've rented tables, chairs and chafing dishes and we are cooking. But I've been feeling very blah. It sounds wierd, but I'm trying to find the passion back in my life. What am I passionate about? I feel like I've been going through the motions for so long, pushing myself to do each and every little thing. I really can't live this way.

We did have a great weekend for Phoebe's birthday. Friday the 6th was her actual birthday, but Tom was at school. I came to her school with snacks for her Kindergarten class we left when school was over so she didn't go to the Y's aftercare program and we started Girls' Night early. We built things with Legos she got from my parents and read a bit of the first Junie B Jones book also from my parents too. Then we went and got frozen pizza, chicken fingers and pringles to munch on and watched "A Cinderella Story" that has Hilary Duff in it. She slept in my bed and we fell asleep together. Saturday I cleaned and she had a pajama morning. When Tom got back from school in the late afternoon, we went to the mall and got her a small IPod (she really loves it!) and went to the Olive Garden for dinner (she picked). Sunday was the best, we went to the Renaissance Faire all day. Got there first thing 11 AM and left at 8 PM after the final jousting show. We went with another family that we were friends with and they have a daughter Phoebe's age and they got along great.

Well, I'll be working on the passion. This week, I'm going to be trying to push myself to find things that really interest me. I'm going to sign Phoebe up for gymnastics on Thursday evenings. She's been asking for that. I'm going to see what kind of things I should be doing. I really know I have nothing to complain about, but I hate that feeling that I'm going through the motions.