Joys In My Life

The D&E on Tuesday went fine. No issues. Although I started crying while they were strapping me into the table and putting in my IV. I think it's that moment that it hits you that it will soon be over. I haven't been bleeding too much (just spotting) and I wonder how long it's going to last. I'm so not a big fan of the monthly curse. Although when the next one comes, I can start taking BCPs and after two weeks of that, we'll begin injectables again for IVF. This is our week off and we've been quite busy. This past weekend, Leo did the ceramic tile floor in his parents' kitchen. Monday we took Phoebe and our nephew deep sea fishing. Because one should always go deep sea fishing the day before a D&E... I caught a lot of the fish we brought home, woo hoo! Tuesday afternoon, I was feeling fine and cooked the fish and the quinoa salad I've posted about before. We had our friends and their almost two-year-old little girl over for dinner. W...

Hi all. I'm sorry to report the fetal pole was no bigger today and there was no heartbeat. I don't have my hcg numbers back yet, but we're either expecting them to be dropping or slow rising. I'm to stop taking all progesterone and come back on Tuesday. They want me to not eat anything that day and they will do one last ultrasound before the doctor does a D&E. They want to do a D&E as they are afraid with my numbers slowly growing, it would take some time before my body realizes I'm not really pregnant. I am extremely disappointed, but I must admit that I'd rather know now this one will not work out than later in the first trimester, which is what happened for my one miscarriage. We had seen the heartbeat, but we lost it for genetic reasons at 10 weeks. I'm also glad they will do a D&E, because when they let me miscarry on my own when I had a blighted ovum, it was the most painful thing I ever experienced. I'll be asking the doctor...

Saturday will be 7 weeks and we have an ultrasound and bloodwork with the doctor. I'm hoping we see the heartbeat and my Hcg numbers doing some flying jumps. Anything to make me think this pregnancy is still viable. I've been taking it easy at home. I still don't feel as tired as I did when I was pregnant with Phoebe, but I know I eat a lot healthier, so is that giving me more energy??? Who knows. I know I feel bloated and a lot bigger in the lower belly than I was feeling and I got a yeast infection this week. Fun. Now I get to put two things inside at night instead of the progesterone suppositories I love so well. I did go to bed very early last night. I was in bed by 9:30PM. Leo is at his parents doing the tile floor in their kitchen while they are out of town. They took Phoebe, two of her other cousins and an aunt with them. Last night everyone starts calling around 10:30 - 11:00 PM. First Phoebe, then MIL, then Leo. Phoebe was tired and missed me. MIL ca...

I had another ultrasound and bloodwork today. The doctor did the ultrasound this morning and he did find a fetal pole, which is good news. My HcG today was 1851, which is not so good. I'd really feel better if these numbers were doubling or more. They want to see me again on Friday for another ultrasound and bloodwork. By then I will be 7 weeks pregnant. We should see the heartbeat by then, if this is viable. On one hand, my doctor is very good, giving this a chance to see if it will proceed to a healthy pregnancy. I on the other hand, am jaded, as I've had two losses in the first trimester and both those losses had some early indicators of issues. Things with Phoebe were right on target. Phoebe was sick over the weekend. She had a fever of 103 on Saturday night, so we took her home from her grandparents. She was supposed to stay there all week. Sunday, we loaded her with fluids and made my famous chicken soup. I think I have perfected that recipe as everyone in t...

So I'm doing OK. I'm actually doing great considering everything going on. I'm actually thinking if we get the official on Monday that this isn't going forward, I'd like to do some serious detoxing of my system. I will not be downing a big glass of wine or coffee after the bad news. I've come this far without that stuff in my system, I'd like to let it continue. I'm also doing great because even though DH and I had a rough conversation Wednesday night ("Are you sure we're not playing God" my response "God helps those that help themselves" - thanks Mom for that quote, I use it often) we had a good conversation this morning. He brought it up that if we find out on Monday that this won't work, he just wants to know what the game plan is and when can we try again. I almost kissed him massively, but I stopped myself because he was driving. I'm glad to know that he's as committed to this as I am. I'm coming back ...

So with everything going on in my strange corner of the world, I'm throwing a baby shower at work. I'm actually having fun. The cake is ordered and I have to pick it up in the morning. Today I went to BabysRUs with over $300 from both departments - it's a husband and wife that both work at this company, so I coordinated both departments to pitch in. For a big gift, we got them a baby swing. Then I got receiving blankets, a soft blanket, three outfits and a blanket sleeper. Also a baby bath product basket and a baby care pouch with thermometer, nail clippers and nail file, hair brush and comb and medicine droppers. I read Trace's latest post today before I went and I must admit it inspired me to be so giving. Just because I'm having a tough time with this pregnancy does not mean I cannot be happy for other people and want to give them joy.

So I wasn't particularly happy at my ultrasound. They saw a sac, but didn't seem to see me as far along as they expected. We redid my bloodwork and my HcG was 1011, which I went to a calculator, meant that it was only doubling every 3 days. I'm wondering if we're dealing with a blighted ovum here. I had one of those before Phoebe. I'm not going to let this get me down. If this one is not going to work out. I know we can do this again. I'm just disappointed right now that things aren't going the way I was hoping they would. I was hoping for everything to be rosy from here on out. They want to see me again on Monday for an ultrasound and bloodwork again.