Hi all. I'm sorry to report the fetal pole was no bigger today and there was no heartbeat. I don't have my hcg numbers back yet, but we're either expecting them to be dropping or slow rising. I'm to stop taking all progesterone and come back on Tuesday. They want me to not eat anything that day and they will do one last ultrasound before the doctor does a D&E. They want to do a D&E as they are afraid with my numbers slowly growing, it would take some time before my body realizes I'm not really pregnant.
I am extremely disappointed, but I must admit that I'd rather know now this one will not work out than later in the first trimester, which is what happened for my one miscarriage. We had seen the heartbeat, but we lost it for genetic reasons at 10 weeks. I'm also glad they will do a D&E, because when they let me miscarry on my own when I had a blighted ovum, it was the most painful thing I ever experienced.
I'll be asking the doctor exactly when can I start BCPs again so we can get back on the horse. I'm hoping it's once I get a period about a month after this surgery. That would probably be October. I'm going to do my best to take very good care of myself until then. I did have one consolation cappuccino after the appointment, but then I will go back to no coffee or alcohol. I might have some red wine once in a blue moon telling myself that it has iron in it, LOL!
I am still optimistic that IVF will give us our next child and that this can work with my eggs. I don't want to go the donor egg route. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. It's just our situation. We already have one biological child. If I had to have donor eggs, I might as well adopt. I did also make a joke at the doctor's office in between tears that if an October IVF cycle works, I'll have the summer off for maternity leave. That would be so nice.
I am extremely disappointed, but I must admit that I'd rather know now this one will not work out than later in the first trimester, which is what happened for my one miscarriage. We had seen the heartbeat, but we lost it for genetic reasons at 10 weeks. I'm also glad they will do a D&E, because when they let me miscarry on my own when I had a blighted ovum, it was the most painful thing I ever experienced.
I'll be asking the doctor exactly when can I start BCPs again so we can get back on the horse. I'm hoping it's once I get a period about a month after this surgery. That would probably be October. I'm going to do my best to take very good care of myself until then. I did have one consolation cappuccino after the appointment, but then I will go back to no coffee or alcohol. I might have some red wine once in a blue moon telling myself that it has iron in it, LOL!
I am still optimistic that IVF will give us our next child and that this can work with my eggs. I don't want to go the donor egg route. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. It's just our situation. We already have one biological child. If I had to have donor eggs, I might as well adopt. I did also make a joke at the doctor's office in between tears that if an October IVF cycle works, I'll have the summer off for maternity leave. That would be so nice.
Comments
Many Hugs,
Faith
I'll be praying for you. I wish there was something that I could say something to make the pain go away.
My heart's breaking for you.
((((((BIG BIG BIG BIG BIG HUGS))))
I will be thinking of you and your family this weekend-and until you get your baby. However that may be.
You sound so strong and resilient-which I know you are- but please make sure you grieve this loss and are ready before you try again.
lots of love.
*loren
I'm very sorry for this loss, and hope that Tuesday goes quickly and sees you healing soon.
I'm thinking of you.
-D.
I'm so sorry Heather. So very sorry.
hugs