Joys In My Life

I hope I didn't go leaving everyone thinking I'm a total byatch with my last post. There were other thoughts that went through my head, such as "Was IF a real strain on their marriage? Am I causing a strain on my marriage too?" Leo and I have always agreed that our marriage comes first. Children are just a bonus. I did truly feel for her. But knowing that I attract the crazies and the way she said it so abruptly, made me flee for cover. So the "Sex and the City" movie comes out this weekend! I'm very excited! I'm believe I know who I'm going to see it with, but it will wait until after this weekend. I want to wait a week or so for the crowds to die down. So don't anyone tell me what happens! I was a huge addict of the show. I've often wondered which one of the ladies I am, and I believe I'm a little of all of them. People in my life, including Leo, would probably say I'm Charlotte. I do tend to project that "Goo...

I'm signing in at the REs office yesterday and the woman in front of me is showing the assistant a picture of her three kids (all different ages) that the RE helped create. I decided to be really nice and admire the picture as well, stating that I also had a seven-year-old girl that the RE helped create. The assistant makes a statement of how she must have her hands full, and she says, "Yeah well now they're really full in that their father just left us." OK, what do you say to that? I went with "Sorry to hear that." Makes you wonder what is she there for? I know she was meeting with the RE. Did they have to discuss disposition of items that might be jointly owned with her soon-to-be ex? Or is she as crazy as she seems and did she want to have another child? Who knows? I know I sat myself on the other end of the waiting room which was thankfully completely full. I attract the crazy people to me like flies. I like to avoid them when I can.

BTW, I got to hold my chart at the RE's office today. I started seeing him in 1999. That's 9 years ago folks. I had no idea my chart was that heavy. And the funny thing is that's not all my info. They are starting to go paperless with some stuff, so some of our stuff is on the computer system and not in the chart. I know that because Leo (remember that's his new moniker) had an SA done in February and the IVF coordinator was telling me we had to have a new one done because all she saw was the one from 2004 in the paper chart. She found the new one in the computer system. Can you imagine how heavy it would be if everything was in there? BTW, everything went well with the test today. It was really just prep work to plan for the transfer when we get there. I still need to get some outside lab bloodwork done and then it's just waiting for AF to show.

So today I'm going to the RE's office for a hysteroscopy, cultures and pap smear. After this the only thing I need to do is have some more bloodwork done on top of the bloodwork I had done back in February to clear me for ovulation induction. I'm getting some things done around the house before my appointment instead of going to the office and then driving again to the doctor's. I'm really starting to not like driving too much with the cost of gas the way it is. We're also trying to do a lot of other things to save money around here. Planning meals, only buying what we need at the grocery store, laying low for the weekend to save on babysitter, etc. We're really noticing in our budget that things are getting tight with the cost of gas and food. Anyone else having concerns of the cost of things these days? What kind of things are you doing to save? DH and I have been exercising every night with that regime we found on the infomercial. I'm really ...

So, Trace, remember my comment on your blog today about not wanting to move on to IVF? Well we are. DH and I went to the RE today and discussed our options. We all agreed we should go more aggressive, even though we're not sure why I'm not pregnant yet. I'll have some more bloodwork and tests done this month and treatment will probably start next month. They are currently reviewing my chart to finalize what tests are needed and send us them in a packet in the mail in the next few days. Earlier today, when we were leaving the doctor's office, I was starting to cry. I just can't believe we have to go this far. But as the day was going on my brain was adjusting to this new reality and I guess I'm OK. I need to continue the work I've been doing - destressing with exercise, meditations, imagery and Flylady routines; supporting this work with healthy food and supplements; and above all appreciate what I have now - the joys in my life - my family, friends,...

The answer is no. We have a consult with the RE tomorrow morning to discuss next steps. I am completely baffled. I'm trying to stay upbeat, but at the same time, I keep thinking, "Why can't I get fncking pregnant?!" This is just completely unacceptable.

I can't wait for the test tomorrow. I'm obsessing about everything. Every twinge, every cramp, every crying jag. I spotted again a bit this morning. It was dark brown. Is this my cervix being irritated by the progesterone suppositories? Is it that my period wants to come, but is held back by the progesterone? I've been feeling aware of the middle of my pubic bone. I haven't felt that since I was pregnant before when everything was trying to expand. I've felt a little cramp every once in awhile in the middle of my lower abdomen. That freaks me out. No lower back pain again this month which is great. One of the things I was worried about going back on IF treatments is my lower back pains getting worse during PMS. It was hit or miss every month when I wasn't doing IF treatments, but I remember a few years ago when we were trying again with the doctor, my lower back was unbearable. I started a new exercise program last night and I have to admit I love i...

We're getting really close. My pregnancy test is on Wednesday morning. I know I'm going to test at home before I go to the doctor's. I've been applying positive thinking this cycle and I really think this is it. Even stranger is that I've seen a little dark brown spotting this morning. Could this be implantation spotting???? I think so. I don't remember ever seeing it with Phoebe, but I'm not sure if I was paying attention. I'm really getting excited. I wish it was Wednesday already.

Just wanted to post a quick update. I've been fighting off a UTI since Friday night. I'm getting better, but slowly. The doctor put me on an antibiotic that would be OK if I was pregnant, but not very effective on UTIs. We're waiting on the culture results. So far, the nurse has said that I was tested positive for a UTI, but the culture results aren't in yet. I really don't think the antibiotic is working at all. What i think is working is the nasty drops of oregano oil that I put under my tongue twice a day, but I don't want to do this for too much longer. From what I rememember Googling once is that oregano oil is not good for progesterone levels in pregnancy. I know that I'm taking the extra progesterone, but I don't want to chance it for too long. I'll keep doing it for the next few days along with the copious amounts of water I've been drinking. We took my grandfather out for dinner on Saturday evening. This is the grandfather tha...

I had IUI #1 yesterday and IUI#2 is today. Ovulation check is tomorrow morning. I've been listening to some stuff on my iPod about "The Law of Attraction," the key item in "The Secret." I am working hard on my attitude toward pregnancy and that it will happen for me. There is no reason why it should not. I am demanding the universe to get me pregnant (although I don't want the universe to be the father, just my DH, LOL!). I've been doing some of Julia Indichova's imagery work more often lately. The past week I've been doing "Possibility". It works to rid yourself of feelings that pregnancy is not possible and take your feelings that it is possible and make them pervade throughout you. Starting yesterday, I've started the ones on the "Life Force Connection," getting in touch with the life force that created my conception and will create the conception of my unborn child. I also like the part where you feel the gra...

Trace tagged me. Here are the rules. Here are the rules of the game (post these first). (1) Each player answers questions about themselves. (2) At the end of the post, tag 5 people by posting their names. (3) Go to their site/blog and leave a comment telling them that they have been Tagged. Invite them to your site/blog so they can read the Tagged post. (4) Let the person who tagged you know when you have completed your Tagged post.Questions: 1. What were you doing 10 years ago? I was working at a different Credit Card company that was just sold to another bank. I stayed there for another 3 years. We were just starting to think about having children. I found out the following year I had really bad endometriosis. 2. What are 5 things on your "To Do" list? 1) Go to my IUI this afternoon 2) Touch-up paint the trim in DDs room. We just finished painting it and putting in crown molding and chair rails 3) Take my grandfather out for dinner tomorrow night with DH and DD. His ...

Thank you everyone for your comments and well wishes on my last post. I'm trying to be really upbeat this cycle. It looks like I may trigger tonight. The nurses haven't left me my message yet on my voice mail box at the doctor's yet, so I'm not sure. The doctor has been popping in to every one of my visits. I think he's concerned that I haven't gotten pregnant yet and wants to watch how things are going at every step. It definately makes me feel upbeat getting so much personal attention. The doctor is so funny, though. Today he asked me how we felt about twins. I said twins would be great! He said he wanted to ask because I have several large follicles and that it would be a strong possibility. Too funny though, I've had two failed months and he's talking about twins!