Friday, May 30, 2008

I'm not a Byatch or Charlotte York

I hope I didn't go leaving everyone thinking I'm a total byatch with my last post. There were other thoughts that went through my head, such as "Was IF a real strain on their marriage? Am I causing a strain on my marriage too?" Leo and I have always agreed that our marriage comes first. Children are just a bonus. I did truly feel for her. But knowing that I attract the crazies and the way she said it so abruptly, made me flee for cover.

So the "Sex and the City" movie comes out this weekend! I'm very excited! I'm believe I know who I'm going to see it with, but it will wait until after this weekend. I want to wait a week or so for the crowds to die down. So don't anyone tell me what happens! I was a huge addict of the show. I've often wondered which one of the ladies I am, and I believe I'm a little of all of them. People in my life, including Leo, would probably say I'm Charlotte. I do tend to project that "Good Girl" image. However, I've been known to be crass about sex like Samantha (my personal favorite character), career-driven and no-nonsense like Miranda, and I have a love of fashion and shoes that comes close to rivaling Carrie's. The green jacket I'm wearing for my pic on my blog is my favorite piece in my wardrobe from an Italian designer and I've had people tell me they were discussing stealing it from me (jokingly of course, it was Leo's MBA graduation ceremomy, not North Phila!). I do think most women feel they have a little of each character within them and that's partially why it's so popular.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

I almost forgot. The exercise infomercial stuff we bought is from Beachbody, but it's the P90X regime. I really like it. We mostly got it because Leo wanted to get himself really buff for the summer (I don't mind him being buff either ;-)) And for me it's not bad because I don't mind doing some weight training. I just use the option to go with lighter weights and more reps. My core feels awesome in just a week and a half and my arms are getting that toned look again that I love so much. And they use a lot of yoga in the workouts. There is one day that is all a yoga workout similar to what my Iyengar yoga teacher's class is like. So it's a really good workout system, I think.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Talk About a Conversation Stopper

I'm signing in at the REs office yesterday and the woman in front of me is showing the assistant a picture of her three kids (all different ages) that the RE helped create. I decided to be really nice and admire the picture as well, stating that I also had a seven-year-old girl that the RE helped create.

The assistant makes a statement of how she must have her hands full, and she says, "Yeah well now they're really full in that their father just left us." OK, what do you say to that? I went with "Sorry to hear that." Makes you wonder what is she there for? I know she was meeting with the RE. Did they have to discuss disposition of items that might be jointly owned with her soon-to-be ex? Or is she as crazy as she seems and did she want to have another child? Who knows? I know I sat myself on the other end of the waiting room which was thankfully completely full. I attract the crazy people to me like flies. I like to avoid them when I can.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

That's One Heavy Chart

BTW, I got to hold my chart at the RE's office today. I started seeing him in 1999. That's 9 years ago folks. I had no idea my chart was that heavy. And the funny thing is that's not all my info. They are starting to go paperless with some stuff, so some of our stuff is on the computer system and not in the chart. I know that because Leo (remember that's his new moniker) had an SA done in February and the IVF coordinator was telling me we had to have a new one done because all she saw was the one from 2004 in the paper chart. She found the new one in the computer system. Can you imagine how heavy it would be if everything was in there?

BTW, everything went well with the test today. It was really just prep work to plan for the transfer when we get there. I still need to get some outside lab bloodwork done and then it's just waiting for AF to show.

Pre-IVF Tests Today

So today I'm going to the RE's office for a hysteroscopy, cultures and pap smear. After this the only thing I need to do is have some more bloodwork done on top of the bloodwork I had done back in February to clear me for ovulation induction. I'm getting some things done around the house before my appointment instead of going to the office and then driving again to the doctor's.

I'm really starting to not like driving too much with the cost of gas the way it is. We're also trying to do a lot of other things to save money around here. Planning meals, only buying what we need at the grocery store, laying low for the weekend to save on babysitter, etc. We're really noticing in our budget that things are getting tight with the cost of gas and food. Anyone else having concerns of the cost of things these days? What kind of things are you doing to save?

DH and I have been exercising every night with that regime we found on the infomercial. I'm really liking it. I'm not seeing any difference in the scale, but everything is feeling a lot tighter on my body and we're only on week 2.

BTW, there's a blogger I've been reading for quite some time that I'd like to recognize. She amazes me. She has two adopted children and is currently pregnant. She always sounds so upbeat, she's absolutely drop dead gorgeous and has such a beautiful, nice family. Check out this site, which is for her daughter from China. She also has links to her other blogs.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Moving on to IVF

So, Trace, remember my comment on your blog today about not wanting to move on to IVF? Well we are. DH and I went to the RE today and discussed our options. We all agreed we should go more aggressive, even though we're not sure why I'm not pregnant yet.

I'll have some more bloodwork and tests done this month and treatment will probably start next month. They are currently reviewing my chart to finalize what tests are needed and send us them in a packet in the mail in the next few days.

Earlier today, when we were leaving the doctor's office, I was starting to cry. I just can't believe we have to go this far. But as the day was going on my brain was adjusting to this new reality and I guess I'm OK. I need to continue the work I've been doing - destressing with exercise, meditations, imagery and Flylady routines; supporting this work with healthy food and supplements; and above all appreciate what I have now - the joys in my life - my family, friends, house and the love of my life. BTW, I've gotten sick of just referring to him as DH. I've decided to give him a fictitional name. I think I'll refer to him from now on as Leo. It is his sign and he is such a Leo.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

No Go

The answer is no. We have a consult with the RE tomorrow morning to discuss next steps. I am completely baffled. I'm trying to stay upbeat, but at the same time, I keep thinking, "Why can't I get fncking pregnant?!" This is just completely unacceptable.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

CD22 - 12 DPO

I can't wait for the test tomorrow. I'm obsessing about everything. Every twinge, every cramp, every crying jag. I spotted again a bit this morning. It was dark brown. Is this my cervix being irritated by the progesterone suppositories? Is it that my period wants to come, but is held back by the progesterone? I've been feeling aware of the middle of my pubic bone. I haven't felt that since I was pregnant before when everything was trying to expand. I've felt a little cramp every once in awhile in the middle of my lower abdomen. That freaks me out. No lower back pain again this month which is great. One of the things I was worried about going back on IF treatments is my lower back pains getting worse during PMS. It was hit or miss every month when I wasn't doing IF treatments, but I remember a few years ago when we were trying again with the doctor, my lower back was unbearable.

I started a new exercise program last night and I have to admit I love it. It's something my DH bought from an infomercial. Ordinarily, I'm against buying stuff on infomercials, but I'm liking this one. I went back and forth with if this was the right time for me to be starting a new exercise program, for those who are thinking that this is not a good idea for me right now. And my decision was to go ahead, as I am relatively physically fit and have no health issues that would stand in the way. I was able to keep up with the workout for most of it, so it was a little challenging, but I'm feeling great today, just a little sore in my arms from doing some pushups but a good kind of sore.

I'll let you all know what happens tomorrow.

Monday, May 19, 2008

CD21 - 11 DPO

We're getting really close. My pregnancy test is on Wednesday morning. I know I'm going to test at home before I go to the doctor's. I've been applying positive thinking this cycle and I really think this is it. Even stranger is that I've seen a little dark brown spotting this morning. Could this be implantation spotting???? I think so. I don't remember ever seeing it with Phoebe, but I'm not sure if I was paying attention. I'm really getting excited. I wish it was Wednesday already.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

CD15 - 5DPO

Just wanted to post a quick update. I've been fighting off a UTI since Friday night. I'm getting better, but slowly. The doctor put me on an antibiotic that would be OK if I was pregnant, but not very effective on UTIs. We're waiting on the culture results. So far, the nurse has said that I was tested positive for a UTI, but the culture results aren't in yet. I really don't think the antibiotic is working at all. What i think is working is the nasty drops of oregano oil that I put under my tongue twice a day, but I don't want to do this for too much longer. From what I rememember Googling once is that oregano oil is not good for progesterone levels in pregnancy. I know that I'm taking the extra progesterone, but I don't want to chance it for too long. I'll keep doing it for the next few days along with the copious amounts of water I've been drinking.

We took my grandfather out for dinner on Saturday evening. This is the grandfather that lost his wife, my step-grandmother a little over a week ago. He seems to be doing well. I wanted him to see Phoebe, as I thought it would cheer him up. Phoebe had a great time. She went on a quad (aka ATV) with her cousin Kyle. He was very safe with her and she held on tight, so I was OK. She loved every minute of it - the little daredevil. Have I mentioned, my daughter wants to go skydiving? At least that's what she told us the other day.

Friday, May 09, 2008

IUI #2

I had IUI #1 yesterday and IUI#2 is today. Ovulation check is tomorrow morning. I've been listening to some stuff on my iPod about "The Law of Attraction," the key item in "The Secret." I am working hard on my attitude toward pregnancy and that it will happen for me. There is no reason why it should not. I am demanding the universe to get me pregnant (although I don't want the universe to be the father, just my DH, LOL!). I've been doing some of Julia Indichova's imagery work more often lately. The past week I've been doing "Possibility". It works to rid yourself of feelings that pregnancy is not possible and take your feelings that it is possible and make them pervade throughout you. Starting yesterday, I've started the ones on the "Life Force Connection," getting in touch with the life force that created my conception and will create the conception of my unborn child. I also like the part where you feel the gratitude for the life force giving you life. I'm working hard on the gratitude for what I have. I've also been staying away from coffee again and have given up any alcoholic beverages. That one has never been done before. I love wine and find it hard to give up.

I've Been Tagged

Trace tagged me. Here are the rules.

Here are the rules of the game (post these first).

(1) Each player answers questions about themselves.
(2) At the end of the post, tag 5 people by posting their names.
(3) Go to their site/blog and leave a comment telling them that they have been Tagged. Invite them to your site/blog so they can read the Tagged post.
(4) Let the person who tagged you know when you have completed your Tagged post.Questions:
1. What were you doing 10 years ago? I was working at a different Credit Card company that was just sold to another bank. I stayed there for another 3 years. We were just starting to think about having children. I found out the following year I had really bad endometriosis.

2. What are 5 things on your "To Do" list? 1) Go to my IUI this afternoon 2) Touch-up paint the trim in DDs room. We just finished painting it and putting in crown molding and chair rails 3) Take my grandfather out for dinner tomorrow night with DH and DD. His wife, my grandmother (step-grandmother, but they've been married longer than I've been alive), passed away last week and the funeral was Tuesday. I haven't had a chance to blog about that. 4) Call DD's ice skating instructor to schedule her next lesson 5) Call the lawn guy to get the quote to mulch the front flower beds.

3. What are 5 snacks you enjoy? 1) Popcorn 2) strawberries 3) pineapple 4) hummus and chips 5) homemade salsa/pico de gallo and chips

4. Name some things you would do if you were a millionaire. Open a yoga studio/spa, travel, cook a lot.

5. Name some places where you have lived. A variety of places in PA, including Center City Philly and the suburbs. Also outside of Wilmington, DE.

6. Name some bad habits you have. 1)Browsing on the Internet 2) Procrastination, which #1 doesn't help with

7. Name some jobs you have had. Cashier at a grocery store, college library checkout person, lab research assistant in a fiber optics lab, loading mainframe tapes, computer network engineer, IT Helpdesk Manager, IT Project Manager.

8. Name those whom you are tagging. Loren at Baby Wait and Dr. Grumbles

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

CD9

Thank you everyone for your comments and well wishes on my last post. I'm trying to be really upbeat this cycle. It looks like I may trigger tonight. The nurses haven't left me my message yet on my voice mail box at the doctor's yet, so I'm not sure. The doctor has been popping in to every one of my visits. I think he's concerned that I haven't gotten pregnant yet and wants to watch how things are going at every step. It definately makes me feel upbeat getting so much personal attention.

The doctor is so funny, though. Today he asked me how we felt about twins. I said twins would be great! He said he wanted to ask because I have several large follicles and that it would be a strong possibility. Too funny though, I've had two failed months and he's talking about twins!