Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Little Clarification

So let me clarify a bit on how I feel about "The Secret." I've been seeing or hearing a lot of articles being written and tv shows about this and some of them are not kind. I do agree that you are not going to be able to sit back and think positive thoughts and things will just come to you. There are some parts of the video that do indicate that, but I do disagree. However, I think the most important two things to get from that video is to stop thinking about things from the negative side and to have gratitude towards what you have already. These are two things that most people do and don't do that are working against them.

I also have my own two additional thoughts added to this. The one is to continue to work toward what you want and the second is that their is a period of time for things to happen that you must be patient about. So I'm thinking my positive thoughts, taking my vitamins and supplements, eating healthy, doing yoga, etc. and waiting for my answer to come.

Phoebe also said something funny today I want to jot down for posterity. I wish I could capture her expression when she talks though, because she made me laugh out loud.

Phoebe: "What day is today?"

me: "Wednesday."

"Cool. Today is Katie's last day."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"I'm not, cause she's annoying!!!"

I had to laugh out loud at the last statement and the face she made, but then we talked more and found out her Dad is moving their family for his job and that's why she's leaving to go to another school. We also talked about her not hurting Katie's feelings letting her know she though this way, but to be nice and wish her luck at her new school.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Moving Along, Now With Wheatgrass

I'm starting this month with a renewed sense of this journey. I bought some frozen wheatgrass juice at the health food store this weekend. I started taking it every morning on Saturday. I hear good things about wheatgrass juice for health and infertility. I had a bit of junk food over the weekend, but I am now further committed to eating healthy. I still haven't had coffee in ages. I've even been good about not having any spluges of cafe mocha in the coffee shop at work. I know I logged here the last time I had any. I'm also thinking about ordering PreSeed. I'm not sure if CM is an issue, but I know it's not the same as it used to be in my 20s although it's been getting closer lately. I'm also trying to make some time for meditation every day. I think that helps my crazy hyped up feelings in my brain. The positive thinking is really helping. DH says I don't have issues with positive thinking and I guess he's right, since I've jumped right to thinking that we will not only have one more child, but two. I keep picturing us having another daughter next and two years later a son. Go figure. I like that picture though. I know all things are possible. We have some things we want to take care of financially and DH needs to finish school, but I think the next step if nothing happens in the next few months is to see the doctor again. I know I need to schedule my annual GYN. I'm thinking of asking her to do an HSG test. It would be my third, so at least I know what to expect. I haven't had one since before we went to the RE the last time, so thinking about when, that would've been Dec 2002 when I had the test last. I can't wait to see the look on her face when I ask. Nothing OB/GYNs like more than almost 36-year-old women talking about trying to have a baby still. Hee hee.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

It's Official

We'll she's officially here. That's the end of that cycle. I'm still OK and hopeful. I think everything is preparing me for something great. I do keep on thinking about going back to the RE with all the new healthy habits I have. But there are so many other things I need to work on to prepare for something like that. I'm trying to reinforce my other good habits like taking care of the house and bills in a timely manner. And learning more at work. There is so much for me to learn at work, which is good. It fills my desire for knowledge.

Phoebe was so cute last night. She was so tired from all the excitement of her afternoon playdate with her friend Gina. I have to admit having her over here made me realize more why I dislike other children in this neighborhood. Gina was very polite, used her manners, and they cleaned up the playroom before she left. What was really nice was that they did what I always try to have Phoebe do of cleaning up one thing before you go play with another. Anyway, Phoebe was so tired when we went to the store, she was very cranky. I knew what was up, so I was very patient with her. We watched "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" on TV, and she feel asleep at the end of the movie. First of all, she never falls asleep in front of the TV. She can usually go until midnight if you let her. Second of all to fall asleep toward the end of an exciting action movie? I should've taken a picture. Although she does this wierd thing when she sleeps that her eyes are still partway open, just like her father. It's almost like their eyes are so large, their eyelids aren't big enough to fully cover them. I do have to say, I find her more and more amazing every day. She's becoming so big. She's over four feet tall already. She is going to be a great beauty someday with her large dark eyes, long dark hair, and olive yet still fair complexion.

It's funny though on the topic of wanting our daughters to be great beauties. We must admit that of course we want more than that. Anna Nicole Smith was a great beauty, Marilyn Monroe was a great beauty, but they were very messed up emotionally. I want Phoebe to do everything great. I love how smart she is and she is very emotionally well adjusted. She speaks her mind extremely well. If all I have to offer the world as my legacy is her, I wish everything of greatness for her.

Friday, February 23, 2007

I didn't test this morning. I didn't have the heart to waste a test since my temp dropped this morning on schedule. I did start spotting a little this afternoon, but nothing official. That will probably be tomorrow.

On the other hand, I had a great day! Phoebe had her friend Gina over to play today and they had a great time. I baked yummy sweet stuff. I made the most awesome brownies ever!!! And a dutch apple crisp. I love Cooks Illustrated. I get the best recipes from there and these two were from some of their older magazines I just can't throw away! They've done all the hard work testing every thing out. The brownies had three different kinds of chocolate in them. And they were baked perfectly. Not too dry, not too moist. I didn't try the apple crisp other than as I was going along making it.

That's all that's going on here. Lots of PMS fooding.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Living for the Weekend

I can't wait until this weekend gets here and I can find out what's going on. Thankfully work is really busy and keeping me from obsessing 7x24, but I must admit the moments I'm not thinking about work are probably engaged in the usual final week wait thoughts. As usual I had my friend Spot show up and go away very quickly yesterday. Of course making me think it could be implantation spotting. I get it every month at this time, but every month so far, I haven't really been pregnant, so what is it. Also this morning, my breasts were sore, which makes no sense, as they haven't been sore at all in the two week wait for the past few months.

I couldn't take my BBT this morning, because poor Phoebe had a nightmare last night. She came into our bed, but then decided she wanted her favorite teddy bear too, and didn't want to go back to her room alone to get it. That was at 3:30 AM, so I know it made no sense to try to take my temp at 5 AM when I wake up. If it was really high, I could explain it away as from getting up in the middle of the night. It's OK. I'd rather help my sweetie when she's scared than have more early indicators of pregancy to obsess over.

BTW, I think I'm going to test Friday morning before DH goes to Villanova. Otherwise the dear Internet might know before DH does.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

More Info on The Secret

The Secret is a book and video for sale, but you can find the video on You Tube chopped up into 4 pieces. The movie is about an hour and a half long. Here's a link to the Part 1 video on You Tube:

It discusses what it calls "The Power of Attraction," meaning you attract what you want into your life and that if you are thinking negative thoughts, you will attract negativity. I've always believed in the power of positive thinking. I often say to myself positive thoughts like "I'm happy. I'm healthy." and "I am doing everything I can to have a baby." The other piece I like is about gratitude. To remind yourself of the things you are grateful for. I've been adding that to my internal monologue. "I'm grateful for my daughter, husband and home" and of course other things like my job, my dog, etc. It really does help. I know I often these days get frustrated over things I have to get done. Reminding myself why I have to do these things and that I'm grateful for them does help and put me back in a positive mood. I highly recommend watching the video, even though I just gave the synopsis, because I'm sure I missed a few things.


Thursday, February 15, 2007


Well we're in the two week wait again, but we're too busy around here to think about it too much. On Saturday I bought Gwen Stefani tickets when she comes to Philly in May. Funny thing is Tom told me to buy four tickets when we discussed it before he left for school. I didn't understand since there are three of us, but I did it anyway. I found out after he came home from school when he found out I told Phoebe we were going, that he wasn't planning on taking her but maybe two friends of ours. I didn't think we'd have anyfriends that would be interested in Gwen Stefani and considering Phoebe loves Gwen more than I do, I couldn't go without taking her. Tom thought it would be too grown up for her. I guess he doesn't know her concerts are usually full of pre-teen girls. That and like the two Cirque du Soleils and their one concert weren't too adult for her??? Anyway that's over

Then we had the storm of the winter hit us on Tuesday night. Phoebe's school was closed Wednesday and Thursday. She's enjoyed sledding and playing in the snow, but they didn't get to have any Valentine's Day parties yet. She's had so much time making her Valentines, she really wants to give them out.

Work is really busy. I had a SAS training class on Tuesday. So yup. I'm learning SAS. I'm taking the SAS Programming I class now and SAS Programming II at the end of April. Never thought this day would come, but I'm really enjoying it. I forgot how much I love numbers and statistics. Well in engineering talk it's non-deterministic systems.

Then today, the dog decided to get a UTI, so we went to the vet at 6 PM. She's feeling much better now that she got a shot of antibiotic to start her off. I also feel terribly guilty. She's 87 lbs. Eeeeek! She's always been under 80 lbs and the vet says that's for the best to keep her from getting hip problems as she gets older. Since it got cold this winter, I haven't been taking her for long walks anymore.

I also watched most of "The Secret" last night. Really interesting stuff. Definitely reminds of of things I've always had luck with before. Be grateful for what you have and think positive. On the positive thought I really had fun sledding too. I haven't done that since I was 9 years old.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

In Bed

The title for this post will become clear soon, and get your brains out of the gutter!

As with the last post about my daughter's recently acquired skill to dial my cell phone number, I think everything she does is amazing and the cutest thing ever. Here's the latest one:

We have a back staircase that overlooks the family room. Yes, my new house has two staircases. The front one is the formal one that goes towards the master bedroom. Anyway, Phoebe likes to stand on the landing of the back staircase and look to see what Tom and I are doing after we put her to bed. Well, she fell asleep on the landing Tuesday night. I found her when I went upstairs to take my contact lenses out. I had Tom come upstairs to carry her to bed. 50 lbs of sleeping kid was a little more than my tired body to comprehend carrying at that time. She didn't even realize that she fell asleep there. Wednesday morning I asked her why she was spying on us from the landing. She looked all embarrassed and asked how I knew. I told her we had to carry her to bed and she didn't remember falling asleep there!

The second reason for the name of this post is a little joke we have between DH and I that we share with people sometimes. I don't know if you've ever heard of this. When you read your fortune cookie from Chinese food always add the words "in bed" to the end of it. It usually makes for some funny reading. The tea bags that we buy in our house also have Chinese fortune cookie-like sayings on the tags. We think they are nice and uplifting, but we also like to add the words "in bed" to the end to make the same kind of joke. Well I'm drinking some tea at work and I bring the tea bags from home. Here's what we have "Happiness comes from contentment .... in bed." So true. So true. Words of wisdom to live by! LOL.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Beware - DD Can Dial

I've been meaning to post about this since last Friday night, but I've been so busy!

Friday night it's a little after 5 PM, I'm driving home from work and my phone rings. I pick it up and it's Phoebe. Tom was working from home, so we had her take the bus home instead of going to the Y Aftercare. "Where are you?" she asks me.

"I'm on my way home. I'm almost in Hockessin. What are you doing?"

"I was wondering where you were so I called you from your number in my diary."

I had helped her write down both DH and my cell phone numbers after she wrote her home number in a Tinkerbell notebook she is calling her diary.

"What's your daddy doing?"

"He's working in the study."

"OK, well it's snowing and I'm driving, so I'll talk to you when I get home, OK?"

"OK. Love you."

So I get off the phone and five minutes later my phone rings. I see it's coming from the house line again.


"Hi, Mom. Where are you?"

"I'm passing into PA now. I'll be home in a few minutes. I'll talk to you there, OK?"

"OK. Bye."

So we had a talk when I got home to make sure that she knows the rules. I was OK with her calling me that evening, but in the future, make sure that she doesn't call unless it's emergency if it's not 5 PM yet. I could just see it coming. Me talking to my boss and her calling me every 10 minutes asking when I'm leaving.

The "diet" is going well. I had a mocha yesterday, but no bagel or muffin. I had already eaten breakfast, but in the past that wouldn't matter. I have to admit I've come a long way from where I used to be. The minor infractions are what used to be a daily way of life.

So it's snowing here and it's the most we've seen so far, which is funny because no one was expecting it. So it's really slippery outside because the roads weren't treated ahead of time. Phoebe's school has a 2 hour delay so far. I really would like them to just close. Not sure if that will happen. It is still snowing. DH had to go to NYC for work today, so he's on the train right now from Wilmington. I told him to go as there was nothing he could do. Of course the funny thing is I have back-to-back meetings today myself starting at 8:30 AM. Well, I don't think I'll be there. I'll be getting dressed soon to go out and shovel the driveway. It's been really cold here the past few days. I don't want a sheet of ice on my driveway after the sun melts it a little today.

Friday, February 02, 2007

Forgive Me Father For I Have Sinned....

But enough with that Catholic guilt! I had a blueberry muffin this morning and a small cafe mocha. I didn't even enjoy it though. It wasn't as good tasting as I thought it would be, so I don't think I'll be doing that again anytime soon. Funny thing is I had no problem coming up with a title for this post. It kept going on over and over and over in my head. I hate confession too! Haven't done one since before my wedding. What would I confess? "Sometimes when I was hopped up on infertility drugs I wanted to kill my husband. " Oh wait, I can't admit to infertility drugs that could get me excommunicated? Or would that be part of the confession? I'm laughing to myself now wondering how many rosaries would you have to say to be absolved for using a vial of Gonal-F? Or would that help infertility treatment? How many prayers have I said hoping to get pregnant? Praying is a form of meditation and stress relief. We've all been told we just need to relax. I think I came up with a new program if I decide to give up my holistic methods..... 1. Get shot up with drugs, 2. Go to weekly confession for doing infertility treatments, 3. Say lots of rosaries as penance and stress relief program. Hmmmmm

Until then I think I'll continue to use this forum as my confessional of breaches of TCM diet. I will admit I've been very good the rest of the day. I had a lovely lunch of leftover baked salmon, brown rice and steamed sugar snap peas and carrots. Right now I'm having a snack of kitchari to keep my blood sugar level stable before I need to go home and make dinner.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Past Two Days

I've been sleepy a lot. I can't seem to shake this congestion, although I believe it's getting better. I steamed my sinuses last night and I've continued taking my little bit of OJ with oregano oil a few times a day. I haven't been eating only kitchari for the past two days, but I've still been following the TCM diet. I did cheat a little bit this morning. They had a blueberry yogurt bread at the coffee shop this morning that looked really good. I did enjoy it thoroughly, though.

This cold weather is crazy! I was so cold yesterday and I couldn't shake it. I was working from home yesterday because our one oven was broken (again!). It seems to stop heating up after the self cleaning cycle is done. The other oven on it doesn't do that, just the one. It's been very frustrating, but I think they heard me, because I got a call from the manufacturer today (Wolf/Subzero) and they are sending someone else to look at it tomorrow. We'll see what happens. Anyway, I kept on getting cold sitting and working in the study in the front of the house. To warm up, I would sit in front of the oven while it was on the self cleaning cycle (we were testing to see if it would happen again). It warmed up the tile floor in front so nice, it was a joy to sit on the warm tiles!!!

We're supposed to finally get some snow accumulation tonight. We've had small snow showers come in over the past two weeks, but nothing we needed to shovel. We'll see. I could use a snow day!