Getting Over Nervousness

I want to admit here publicly that even though we've been trying for another child for many years now, I've secretly been scared if we succeed. I mean, Phoebe is 8 years old now and so independent. There haven't been sleepless night and diapers in our household for quite a long time. I know Leo agrees with me, because he's more vocal about his nervousness of going back to babyhood, but I haven't voiced my concerns too much because I've been so gung-ho about getting to the successfully pregnant part.

But reading the blogs of others with babies and toddlers has gotten me excited to experience that again. The wonder, the newness of everything to them, the first smile the first wave goodbye, the way their whole body shakes when they are so excited to see you (Phoebe is quite blaze when we show up. It's not that exciting anymore. Unless she's been at her grandparents for a week. Then she's excited to see us.). I'm really hoping Tuesday shows an excellent hcg level and that the following tests will all be great and on target. I really want nothing questionable. I think I deserve that from the universe, don't you? Three miscarriages are just unthinkable sometimes, but I've been through them all. I want to be able to start looking forward to when the baby (babies?) are here and getting to know him/her/them.

BTW, I won't be testing at home, because I've had two hcg boosts after the embryo transfer so I'm really afraid I'll get a false positive. I'd rather wait to hear what the lab sees as an actual count. I've also named our three embryos so I can talk to them: Paige, Piper and Leo2. Paige and Piper - the other two sisters from Charmed and Leo2 as he's also a Charmed character (their white lighter and Piper's husband) also because my Leo (not his real name) is a junior and we're still thinking about using his name and III. If we do that, we might nickname him Trey.

Comments

Martha said…
Your feelings are so understandable, share your excitement and always wish, hope, and pray for the best.
Really cute nicknames from Charmed, love the Trey idea.
Martha said…
Hi, I nominated you for the "I Love Your Blog" Award (details are on my blog) along w/a six item random meme if you would like to play along. TGIF!!
On My Mind 24/7 said…
Its ok to feel the way you do, and of course you deserve another baby! I hope the last few days fly by for you, and you'll get good results Tues. By the way-the nightmare rhyme is cute!
I'm thinking you and praying for the best! :) One more weekend until you get the results.
Mands said…
Thanks so much for the support, it's great to have a cycle sista! :-) I have been very disconnected from the blogosphere of late so I'm really grateful that there are still people out there reading.
Best of luck with your beta and may you have a calm and restful weekend.