Joys In My Life

So I've past what I feel is my milestone ultrasound from a viability perspective. It was actually better than both Leo and I thought it would be. We were both worried that growth would have slowed down because we've been so busy the last week, but it was the exact opposite. I'm measuring at almost 11 weeks by now. Baby A was 10 weeks 6 days and Baby B was 10 weeks 5 days. So you know what that means! No more progesterone suppositories!!! V. Good! Hate those annoying but necessary buggers. The heart rates were great again. I think Baby A was at 160 and Baby B was at 167. We were able to see arms, fingers and thumbs, and legs. It was really cool. Of course I woke up with a sore throat yesterday. What with the fluctuations of temperature and being around Phoebe all the time with her coughing without covering her mouth, it was bound to happen. We went grocery shopping today to get ready for our New Years Eve/Day parties we have with our friends. Can't wait! ...

Monday I have my 10-week ultrasound and I must say it can't come soon enough. I think all of us infertiles that have had issues with miscarriages have their "magic" date when they feel like they can begin thinking this may all be OK. Mine is the 10-week ultrasound. I know it probably doesn't seem it from how happy I sound in my posts, but I really have been holding out for this one. My latest miscarriage I ever had was when we lost the heartbeat of a baby that I went to 10 weeks with. We had seen the heartbeat in past ultrasounds, but there was something that made the doctor let me know that things were not looking completely great, but for the life of me, I can't remember what that was. We went in for my 10-week ultrasound and had brought Phoebe. She was three years old at the time. Leo and her left the room after we realized what had happened. I really can't wait for this ultrasound to make sure they are both OK. By the way, a woman at a friend'...

- from stretch marks! I bought Mamma Mio Stretch Mark Prevention Oil from Destination Maternity yesterday when we were finishing up small Christmas shopping. I used it this morning after my shower and I really like it. It feels great and it smells terrific. I hope it works. I have stretch marks from my pregnancy with Phoebe on my lower stomach from when she dropped, but I'm worried about getting a lot more from carrying twins. I'll let you know next year if it works or not. We also had a great ultrasound today. Baby A had a heart rate of 17four (LOL - my four key still needs to be fixed) and was moving all over the place. She was doing a little shimmy-wiggle it was so cute!!!! Leo really enjoyed watching this ultrasound because he didn't get to see last week's, which was the first one that we were able to see any movement. Baby B was quiet today, but he was moving a bit. It's heart rate was 167 and he moved a little, but not as much as Baby A. Just about...

I can say something is definitely cooking in there right now. I'm so tired today. I worked from home and I got more done than I would have if I went into the office. They had a fire drill today and I usually have a million people bothering me when I'm in the office. I can't believe I have so much to get done at the office right now. The next time Leo has to go out of town for a few days, I'm going to see if my SIL can come and stay with us and help out at home. With the reorg happening, all the additions to my team and all the things we have to get done by the end of the year, I'm going crazy. Leo comes home tonight and I can't wait. BTW, have I mentioned how amazing food tastes? It's even better than when I was pregnant with Phoebe. I guess it's because it's twins. I'm trying real hard to make healthy eating choices, but after reading up on how people pregnant with twins should try to gain a lot of healthy weight by their twenty-fourt...

Just wanted to let you all know that my ultrasound this morning went great again today. Both babies have strong heartrates in the 160s and one measured 8 weeks 5 days and the other measured 8 weeks 4 days. So they are working hard to be the overachievers on growth that all the babies in our families have. And do I have any cravings??? Oh yes. Like with Phoebe, salads are my big favorites. Apples are high on my list with this one. With Phoebe that was pineapple. And yogurt. I eat at least one every afternoon. It's amazing how good food tastes when you are pregnant and based on my experience even more so with twins. But I can't seem to stand anything greasy or deep fried. I was the same way with Phoebe. Just the smell even turns my stomach. BTW, it's amazing that infertility issues and miscarriages affect more than just the pregnant woman when it comes to being nervous if things won't work out. I know Leo and I were nervous until the 7 week scan when we saw re...

OK - I have no issues with Walmart. I do love saving money on my holiday shopping and I'm so glad Walmart is reminding me I can save lots of money shopping at their store, but can you please stop running the ads that are going to make my 8-year-old daughter stop believing in Santa Claus????!!!! The ad I'm talking about, although some may have guessed already, is the one where the kids are opening their presents under the tree thanking their parents for the gifts and the parents are sitting on the couch. The dad has a line something like, "How much did all this cost me?" and the wife smiles and whispers in his ear and indicates, "I saved a lot of money shopping at Walmart." Well, my daughter is starting to question us this year if parents buy the presents or if Santa really brings them. I ask her what she thinks and she says it makes more sense that Santa brings them, so we go with that answer. Granted, I think this is her last year of beleiving in the b...

Not that the baby has to, just me. For the first time, I had to suck in my gut (as much as possible) to button my trousers this morning. I don't think I'll be able to button them next week, so I'll be starting the rubber band through the button hole trick, wearing long shirts and looking to see if those Bella Band things work for me. I guess I'm getting big so quickly because it's twins. I had a meeting with the nurse at the doctor's office today to discuss first trimester screening and other pregnancy do's and don'ts. She ended up mentioning that I probably still have some anxiety about whether or not this pregnancy will work out, and I was honest with her that by now, I do not. And it feels really weird. But we've had three miscarriages and one successful pregnancy. All were through the RE's office, so we really know what good and concerning betas look like, as well as good or concerning ultrasounds, heartrates, etc. This pregnancy is s...

We had our 7 week ultrasound and everything is going great! Both babies measured at 7 weeks 3 days, so that is further along than I really am and they both had a heartrate of 150. I had tears in my eyes it was so neat to see these much bigger blobs with their heartbeat so visible. Amazing! I still haven't been able to get to the elliptical machine at home. I was feeling just lucky to get through last week with Leo away for work and all. He came home Friday night/Saturday morning and I was so happy to see him!!!! I have so much to do this week, getting decorations up and getting holiday cards out. We bought the Christmas tree yesterday and it's in the garage today. We'll put it up tonight and decorate it tomorrow after it sits for a day. It's about 12-14 feet tall! Phoebe feel in love with it and was so excited. It'll go in our family room, which is a two-story room, so the size of the tree is not a problem. Once we get it all decorated, I'll post som...

I can't wait for my next appointment on Monday to take a peak at the twins. I've been keeping myself busy trying to keep my to do list up-to-date (both work and personal) and knocking things off it quickly. I know once I feel comfortable with a pregnancy I can do amazing things and get more done than ever. It's like a weight was lifted from my shoulders and I can start living again. But then when I feel like that, I feel guilty realizing I've put so much off while trying to conceive. But then I try to remind myself not to ever live with regret (which is one of my mottos) and that I can't help what life handed to me and what I had to do to get through it. It's great though, some of the things I've gotten done. Last night I put new handles on Phoebe's CYFF bag. CYFF is her Catholic education classes she has every Tuesday evening. The program gave them these canvas bags to keep their book, notepad and pencil case in when they go to class. They want...

Well the DBTs are now gone for another week! I'll have my next ultrasound next Monday. But the great news is that there are two babies developing. One seems to have a smaller sac than the other, but they were both measuring at 6 weeks 1 day, which is right on schedule. We also saw a flicker of a heartbeat on both of them!!!! So my restrictions are lifted as long as I take it carefully. So we feel like we won the IF lottery right now. I'll keep eating healthy and taking care of myself to do everything to keep the DBTs away. Plus I have a lot to do at work and to get ready for the holidays. That will keep me busy. And totally off topic, please keep the Mumbai terrorist attack victims in your prayers. I have several work collegues in Mumbai. I was even trying to hire someone for my team there most of this year. I really wish that the world could be a more peaceful place.

My first ultrasound is tomorrow and I must admit I keep getting scared that it's not going to look good, or as Tertia would put it I've been having DBTs (dead baby thoughts). I really hope everything looks great and that we do see a heartbeat. I know it's a littl on the early side, but sometime between 6 and 7 weeks we should see the heartbeat. I'd rather see it on the early side, nice and strong to relieve my mind and make me think that everything is going to be OK. I really don't want this to be another failed pregnancy. I'd like to just once in this journey to have the fairy tale where everything is rosy and peachy. I need it so badly so I can heal from all the failures and disappointments. BTW, I hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving. I definitely did, since it was still early on to start worrying about the ultrasound. But we've also been busy every day, which has helped keep my mind off waiting for Monday. I wish I could just crawl into bed r...

Wow! Was I tired yesterday! I worked from home as Leo went to NYC for work and Phoebe had a half day of school. I ended up taking a nap when she came home for about an hour or so. And then I still went to bed at a decent time. I had my hair appointment today, so I'll also be thankful for no roots, LOL! The scheduler didn't explain very well, though. The pictures won't be today, but in January. He just wanted to look at my hair today and see if he can do the hairstyle he wants to do for the picture. So the pics will be on a Sunday in January and everyone's coming to the studio at his house for them. There will be me and several other models that he'll be working with that day. The pics are for some hair styling competition that he did win back in 1997 and I will get copies of the photos, so I will be posting them sometime in January. I just think this is so cool and I'm so flattered. He also said he loved my skin and bone structure. If he wasn't...

Today I am 5 weeks and 1 Day pregnant. I'm counting down as I get ready for my first ultrasound a week from today! It's so weird not to have a thousand betas in between and thinking this is not going to work out. I'm pretty sure by now that things are going to work out. What with my tiredness increasing, boobs getting bigger and sorer and I can weep at the drop of a hat, things are definitely cooking in there. Leo seems to still think there's two, but from my beta numbers, I think it's just one. We had a quiet weekend here at home. We ran a few errands: grocery shopping, picking things up for Thanksgiving dinner, bought Phoebe some new long sleeve shirts and a sweater from the Limited Too as they were having a sale and she had a gift card from her birthday. One of the shirts she just had to have was a Kermit the Frog one. She's so cute, she was so excited to find one. She's wanted a Kermit shirt for awhile now and of course she had to wear it to s...

I'm still enjoying the vegan chili I made the other day for my lunches. Even Phoebe liked it, but I think it helped that I served hers with grated cheddar cheese and olives on it. Don't ask me about sizes of the cans - I don't know how many ounces they are, but the beans are the normal size cans, not the oversize ones and the crushed tomatoes is the normal large size can. 1 block tempeh, chopped to resemble the size of ground beef 1 large onion, chopped finely 2 Tbs olive oil salt 3 cloves garlic, chopped finely 1 sweet red pepper, chopped medium 1 can kidney beans 1 can black beans 1 can crushed tomatoes 2 bay leaves 1 Tb oregano 1-2 Tbsp cumin 1 Tbsp chili powder few shakes of cayenne pepper 1 tsp sage 1 tsp paprika Heat the olive oil in a medium stockpot. Saute the onion, garlic, tempeh, and red peppers in the oil until the onion is translucent. Add the beans, crushed tomatoes, bay leaves and spices. Simmer for 30-40 minutes to let the flavors meld. You can serve thi...

Just got the call from the IVF nurses. I'm glad they called soon because I had even checked my cell phone to see what time they had called on Tuesday. I don't get impatient, do I??? My hcg today is 1453, which more than doubled, but not so much that I don't think we're dealing with multiples here. Just a healthy singleton, which is great! They don't want to see me until December 1st for ultrasound and to talk to the doctor. I've been working hard to eat healthy. Last night I even made a meatless chili using tempeh for the meat. I thought it was tasty. I'll have to post the recipe for it. I have the leftovers for lunch. I will admit, I'm tired. Not too tired, but getting there. The other cool thing is that next Tuesday I'm getting my hair colored and the owner of the salon called me to come in this day because he wants to take some pictures of me and my glorious platinum blonde hair for their website and stuff. I know I won't get paid,...

My good friend Merlot gave me this award yesterday and I'm so flattered I must accept it. I feel like my cup runneth over right now! Of course I'm nervous about my next beta tomorrow, but I have faith that this one will be great! Here's the info about this award: The “uber” (synonym for super) is a blog award given to sites who: - inspire you - make you smile and laugh - or maybe give you amazing information - a great read - has an amazing design - and any other reason you can think of that makes them uber amazing! The rules for my award recipients… 1) Put the logo on your blog or post. 2) Nominate at least five blogs (can be more)that for you are uber amazing. 3) Let them know that they have received this uber amazing award by commenting on their blog (think they all read so I’m not going to notify them). 4) Share the love by linking to this post and the person you received the award from. I know I just came up with seven fabulous blogs the other day...

OK all my Internet bloggy friends!!!! I'm pregnant with the best initial beta I've ever had!!! Could that mean multiples? We'll find out over the next week or two for sure. My initial beta was 660! I can't believe it! I'm so excited I want to cry. I was so nervous. I didn't want to test before I went there because of all the hcg boosts I had. And I was really starting to doubt if it would really work out or if I was going to have a major disappointment today. I go back on Thursday for a repeat beta and we'll see if we're doubling or better. Leo made a prediction last night of twins. I wonder if he's right. Of course we just want at least one healthy baby, but healthy boy/girl twins would be like winning the lottery. Of course we'll want to win the lottery to support them, but I'm like Scarlett O'Hara in that perspective - "I'll think about that tomorrow!"

Since I'm not planning to do any home pregnancy tests, as I'm afraid I'll get a false positive from all the hcg boosts they had me do, all I've got for hope right now are the multiple pregnancy symptoms we all check for. Here's the list I've got right now: 1. Having to get up and pee in the middle of the night - Check! Past several days I wake up at 3 AM, go pee and go back to bed for a few more hours. 2. Boobs hurt - Check! Then again I'm on tons of progesterone right now, but they are quite sore. Don't like Leo hugging me too tight right now. 3. Really tired. Kind of. I haven't fallen asleep in the car on Leo this weekend, which is usually a good indicator, but it may be too early for that. I have been getting at least 8 hours of sleep a night and I can't help it that I seem to need it. And I'm yawning all day for the past few days. 4. Sex dreams - Check! Happened last night for the first time since the pregancy this summer. I ...

Wow! I feel so honored! Martha at A Sense of Humor is Essential (which I think is an awesome blog name!) gave me this award! I will also do her meme that she tagged me for in the same post. Here's the rules for accepting the award: Linking back to the person who gave it to you. Paying it forward & nominating 7 blogs. (See below) Leaving comments on their blogs telling them they’ve received one. (Will do) Enjoying the award. (I'm so flattered!!! Trust me!) Here are my 7 nominees for the "I Love Your Blog" Award Merlot at Swimming Against the Tide Tertia at So Close (not that she needs the press, but I think she's awesome!) Shana at SashaLili and all her other wonderful blogs for her gorgeous children JJ from Reproductive Jeans Mands at The Secret Garden Billie at BillieBlog - she takes the best pictures! Loren at Baby Wait - she's not waiting anymore!!! Now here are the rules for this Random Meme: 1. Link to the person who ta...

I want to admit here publicly that even though we've been trying for another child for many years now, I've secretly been scared if we succeed. I mean, Phoebe is 8 years old now and so independent. There haven't been sleepless night and diapers in our household for quite a long time. I know Leo agrees with me, because he's more vocal about his nervousness of going back to babyhood, but I haven't voiced my concerns too much because I've been so gung-ho about getting to the successfully pregnant part. But reading the blogs of others with babies and toddlers has gotten me excited to experience that again. The wonder, the newness of everything to them, the first smile the first wave goodbye, the way their whole body shakes when they are so excited to see you (Phoebe is quite blaze when we show up. It's not that exciting anymore. Unless she's been at her grandparents for a week. Then she's excited to see us.). I'm really hoping Tuesday shows an...

Wow! Two posts in one day!!! I just had to blog about this. Indigo Girl had posted about her daughter having bad dreams and looking for advice. I had to post what we do in our house to keep away bad dreams. I have to admit it was one of my most brilliant mommy moments as I pulled this one out of my a$$ when I came up with it. When Phoebe was about 3 or 4 years old, she started complaining about nightmares. I knew it was half true and half stalling for bedtime. She has always been very into witches, wizards and spells (heck she was named after the character on Charmed and my due date was Halloween), so I came up with a magic spell on the spot to keep away bad dreams. I figured all it had to do was rhyme. I will share it with you all and feel free to try it if you need it: Bad dreams, bad dreams go away In Phoebe's dreams she must play She should dream of ice cream and cake Until the morning when she wakes She loves it! She still asks for it sometimes if she's had a ni...

I am a huge lover of vinagrette dressing and I can now say I'll never need to buy it from the store again. Newman's charities will be losing some funds from me apparently. I found a recipe for homemade vinegrette dressing and it was awesome!!! And so easy to make. Here it is: Shallot Vinegrette Dressing 1 shallot 3 tablespoons balsamic vinegar salt and pepper to taste 7 tablespoons olive oil Finely chop the shallot and let it soak in the vinegar for about 15 minutes. Add the salt, pepper and olive oil, shake it up in a container and Voila! It seems to be covering me for about 4 side salads, which is perfect since there are no preservatives in it to make it last forever. I ended up using it over some roasted beets that I made up this week. I'm trying to give those embryos lots of nutrient-rich foods. This dressing over beets was great, as it reminded me of the pickled beets I used to be given as a child (Am I the only one? Is this a Eastern European thing?) but with...

I have one week and counting to my pregnancy test!!! Next Tuesday here I come! Phoebe went to the orthodontist today and had the appliance installed. Her talking is a little odd until she gets used to it. She has a follow up visit the week of Christmas and will probably wear this for 10 to 12 months. It's serving two purposes. One is to keep her from sucking her thumb. The second is to train her tongue not to be at the bottom of her mouth when she's swallowing. I'm really happy at least that the appliance is keeping me from being the bad guy telling her to stop sucking her thumb. Hope this works!

So we had a quiet but fun weekend with friends visiting and good food. Phoebe had her show on Saturday and she was great. After that, we went back home and I took a nap (that's been happening a lot lately) and then we went out to dinner at Casablanca . Definitely the best Morroccan restaurant I've been too so far. We've been there a few other times and Phoebe and our friends had a great time. I've been working from home today and I had my progesterone bloodwork this morning at the doctor's office. I don't have work tomorrow for Veteran's Day. So I can officially say I've been as good as possible. And before I forget again, my pregnancy test date is Nov 18. So after today, I'll only have one more week to know if the test comes back positive. I can't get over how quickly this has all been moving. I hope if it's positive that the uncertain weeks go by quickly too. I'd really like to be able to make an announcement for Christmas or...

All eight embryos were still doing great! I can't believe it all went so well! They transferred three embryos at noon today. I'm on bedrest until I go to Phoebe's show tomorrow. I'll be taking it easy the rest of the weekend. We'll have company, but I think playing cards or Catch Phrase aren't really very taxing. Leo will cook for us, but we're thinking of going out to dinner tomorrow. I got all the cleaning done last night and went to Harvest Market to shop for some good veggies, fruit and tea. So I'm ready for some downtime now. Let's all keep our fingers crossed that one or more of these embies stick!

I just listened to my voice mail box at the doctor's office. My embryo transfer time is scheduled for 12 noon tomorrow (Friday). All 8 embryos are still going strong. I'm curious if he'll transfer 2 or 3 of the best quality tomorrow. I'm really pleased with what I've heard so far this month as I had lots that stopped growing during our last IVF cycle. I only had two left to work with at the end and only one of them was a good quality. The other was fair. I'll get to ask about the quality from the doctor tomorrow. I'm very excited!!!!!! I'll be working from home tomorrow and Monday and Tuesday is a holiday at my office (Veteran's Day). However, Phoebe has her big show tomorrow and we'll have company all weekend. I'll enjoy the company and I'll be taking it easy - no helping Phoebe get ready for the show. I'll leave that to Leo. Leo is a good cook too, so as we have company, he'll take care of our guests with food and dr...

I hope you all voted out there! I was working from home today, as Phoebe's school was closed and we had a lot of non-work stuff to do. First at quarter to 8 in the morning the HVAC guy came to do the heater maintenance for the year. After he left, we worked a little and then went to the polls. I haven't mentioned it lately, but I have been waivering on who to vote for president. I still went back and forth until last night when I finally made up my mind. I liked the way I put it to Phoebe this morning that where as the last presidential election, I didn't like either candidate, this election the other person could win and I'd be perfectly fine. I don't know who DH voted for, he wouldn't tell me. Which is funny, because I kept telling him that we shouldn't tell each other who we were voting for. He kept wondering why not, and then when I told him who I voted for, he wouldn't tell me, LOL! The other thing we had to do today was go back to the orth...

I just listened to my voice mail at the doctor's and they left the fertilization report for today. Out of the 13 eggs they retrieved, 8 were mature, they used ICSI for fertilization on those 8 and I currently have 8 embryos! Let's all keep our fingers crossed they all grow and at least 2-3 of them look fabulous for a 5-day transfer on Friday!!!!

So my egg retrieval was Sunday morning at 7:30 AM!!!! We had to be there at 7 AM for prep work. Phoebe slept overnight at a friends' house, so we didn't have to drag her out before she's used to even being up. At least we had an extra hour for the fallback from daylight savings time, so we still got some sleep. When I first got there, the doctor did a quick scan because my estrogen in my bloodwork the day before had dropped, but he also said everyone's did, so he thought there was a problem in the lab. He checked me out and proclaimed me ready. I was a little nervous and kept talking while they were putting me under. Apparently I kept talking, so they kept giving me more anesthesia. I should've warned them I talk in my sleep sometimes. Yesterday seemed to be one of those sometimes. They got 13 eggs. I'll find out today how many were really mature and how many fertilized from the fertilization report. Most likely, my transfer will be this Friday with ...

I went in for another ultrasound and bloodwork today monitoring my follicle growth. I have sizes anywhere from 22 to 14. I seem to have between 6 to 8 on each side. I didn't see the doctor today, but the two ultrasound techs that usually take care of me. They said Sunday is a possibility, but that they will discuss it with the doctor. They said they do Sunday retrievals and transfers when they have to. I must admit they all must really love what they do to work 7 days a week. But then again, I'm sure they don't get called out in the middle of the night, so it is just day work. But I still give them all credit. I only work 5 days a week and I'm not sure I'd like to do more than that. I feel all bloated and want to go to the ladies more frequently than usual. I think my ovaries are squeezing my bladder in between them, LOL! I feel like my brain is total mush. I'm having a hard time concentrating and it's difficult to get anything out of this brain ...

I'm so happy the Phillies won last night. I'm wearing my red sweater today over a white button down shirt. Phoebe wore her pink Phillies t-shirt with a white long-sleeve t-shirt under it. And I'm sure she wore her Phillies jacket to school too! We let her stay up late last night to watch the game. She was really getting into it, and when you knew they were only playing 2 1/2 innings, you knew it shouldn't be a long game. And boy was that a far cry from the 1993 Phillies that was playing in this series! To end the game striking him out was awesome! I remember Mitch Williams from 93 and let me tell you, watching him pitch, you'd be biting your nails until you got to your elbow! He was such a loose cannon pitching. Watching the pitcher that ended the game last night (I can't remember his name now) was so calming. You felt like he had things under control. It must be that statue of William Penn they put on the Comcast Tower to help break the curse. It h...

Well things are truckin' right along. I've got at least 4 follicles developing on both sides. Hopefully they all have good genetics and will develop into healthy embryos. I go back Wednesday morning for ultrasound and bloodwork. Not sure if they'll have me do HCG on Wednesday, Thursday or Friday night yet. BTW, it's Merlot's fault I've been so absent the past several days. She recommended I read the books that True Blood is based off of and she was so right. I just finished "Dead Until Dark" which is the first book in the Southern Vampire Mysteries and it's awesome! I have to say I think I like it even better than Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles because the vampires in these books can have sex! I mean that's truly what we all wanted to do with Lestat, right? Oh, is that just me? I can now say I know who is killing all the girls in Bon Temps. I'll have to keep it secret from Leo as he's been watching the show with me. Hope...

I had my first scan and bloodwork after 3 days on Bravelle and Menopur. All is cooking away nicely. There are several small follicles developing, nothing is growing faster than the rest. So no leaders to suck up all the meds so far. I'll be calling into my voice mail box at the doctor's office this evening for the next few nights of instructions and then I have another bloodwork and ultrasound scan of the ovaries on Monday morning. My sinuses seem to be clearing up, but I don't want to speak too soon on that. Considering I'm already on Zithromax, you'd think that wouldn't be a problem, but I've had a sinus headache for the past few days. This is day 3. I woke up with it, but I put some Vicks under my nose before I got in the shower this morning and then I took some Tylenol on my way to work. By the time I got to work I felt human again and it's continued all day. It's 3:30 in the afternoon here and I still feel OK. Let's hope it stays t...

I almost forgot to take my shot last night. Leo is out of town for work and after Phoebe and I got back from her ice skating class, we had some leftover birthday cake and I was wiped. My brother called me last night and talking to him I remembered that I had forgotten my shot and antibiotic. So I went downstairs and took care of the shot and went back upstairs. Later while I was watching TV, I realized I forgot to take the antibiotic, so I went back downstairs and took care of that. I think my brain is all fuzzy because I've been suffering through a lot of sinus pressure all day for the past few days. I don't know what's causing it other than the change in temperatures outside. It's been very brisk out lately. I still have all this sinus pressure right now, but I'm getting a lot done at work today, so I'm feeling a bit better on the "time issues" thing I posted about yesterday. I just wish sometimes I could press the slow play or pause button ...

Today is my 14th wedding anniversary. Holy cow! Time flies when you're having fun. Last I remember, the Phillies were in the 1993 World Series and I was dating my Leo. We went to two of the World Series games that year, since we had preferential treatment for all the regular season games we went to that year. We tried this year, but we couldn't get any. We did take Phoebe to one Phillies game this year and did get one of those photos of our family they took for us. I love that pic. It's on top of our entertainment center. On time, I am feeling kind of out of it the past few days. I feel like there is never enough time for everything I want to do. How do other people handle those feelings. Sometimes lately I feel like it takes all my energy just to get through the basic tasks of the day and never get to the extra things I want to do. There's so much with my life I want to do, I'm afraid I'll never get to half of it. I must admit I'm scared someti...

AF showed up on Sunday, so tomorrow is my baseline ultrasound and bloodwork for IVF#2. I'm really excited and trying to be as positive as possible. I still need to give up my one cup of coffee at work, I had my last glass of wine last night at Phoebe's birthday party, and I'll be working hard to eat healthy and take all my vitamins. Phoebe's birthday party went great yesterday! It was total chaos and I loved it. It was a costume party and all the kids looked great. We dressed in costume too and had a great time. The kids played a pass the pumpkin game kind of like playing Hot Potato and they loved playing freeze dancing to Halloween music. Leo got them silly string and let them play with it until it ran out. My SIL helped clean it all up from the floor, LOL! Leo is the best cook. He made hot roast beef sandwiches and a sausage, bean and hominy soup that was to die for. The kids had pizza and breadsticks that I ordered. Some of the parents of the friends from...

Woo hoo! It's felt like it's been a long time coming. Today was my last of the 14 day birth control pill part of the IVF preparation. I should get AF within the next few days. On Monday I will probably have my baseline ultrasound. Unless it comes real early, then I might need to go in on Saturday morning. I'm really excited to have this one stick! Phoebe is very lucky. She will be able to have whatever sticky candy she wants for Halloween. They took the spacers off this week and did a mold of her upper jaw so they can make the hardware. She goes back on Election Day for the spacers to be put back in and then the following week they will put the hardware in. The timing for this is working out great, since I don't know how this is going to impact her speech and she has a show with OperaDelaware on November 8th. I would hate for her to have to try to not just talk, but sing with this thing in. I hope she gets used to it quickly, as they will start their next sh...

I don't know if I've ever mentioned that Phoebe still sucks her thumb. She started when she was 6 months old and still does it today at bedtime and when she's bored such as watching TV, in the car, etc. Well, she went to her first orthodontist consult at the recommendation of the dentist and soon she won't be able to suck her thumb even if she tried! The doctor first showed me all the bad things that are happening to her mouth because of her thumb sucking. I knew about the way it was elongating her top jaw and pushing her top teeth forward, but I had no idea it was causing a crossbite on her molars and for her tongue to push her bottom teeth forward when she swallows - every time she swallows, not just when sucking her thumb. We then discussed the next steps. He's going to fit her for a device that will attach to her back molars and have a piece of metal sticking down that will not allow her to suck her thumb. She won't be able to close her mouth if her t...

I'm sitting here watching the presidential debate on TV and drinking a glass of wine. Oh boy do I need this glass of wine!!! Today was a rough day at work. We had layoffs at work today. Myself and my dynamo team of two seem to have survived these cuts. It wasn't a significant percentage of our work force, but the timing and some of the picks were very surprising. I think the communication could've been a little better too. As I've been taught, I was honest, but put on the best face for my team and made sure they felt communicated to what I knew that was not rumor or conjecture. Plus, before the announcement was made of the layoffs, I spent an hour talking to the recent new hire on my team talking about making sure he tries to keep some balance. He's put in a lot of hours getting up to speed on his new responsibilities, which I appreciate, but I can see if he continues burnout will happen. We have a huge backlog in our team, not from having a new resource, ...

Today is Phoebe's birthday. I can't believe at 7:36 AM this morning, she turned 8 years old. I feel like I just blinked and we're here. I'm sure the next time I blink she'll be 18 years old! I just can't gush enough about how loving, sweet, smart and beautiful our little girl is. She's in second grade now and she's improving daily on her reading, math and handwriting. Her hobbies are figure skating, playing the guitar, and anything artsy - painting, drawing, sewing. She even has her own fabric stash already! She's been ice skating since she was four years old. Her cross overs are wonderful and she's starting to do waltz jumps with her coach. She started playing guitar in January this year and she really loves it. She can't wait to get a piano and loves to play around with one whenever she's near one. Phoebe really loves music and her singing with OperaDelaware's Artist Training program has come a long way this year. She ev...

AF started yesterday! I'm very excited to get this show on the road. I left a message for the IVF coordinators yesterday morning and I still haven't heard back from them. I'm sure it's that they are trying to firm up my protocol with the doctor, so I'm not terribly worried, but I did leave them another message this morning. I believe I'm supposed to start BCPs tomorrow morning and do that for two weeks. After AF starts after I stop the BCPs, we start injectibles! So it's looking like we'll be officially started IVF #2 towards the middle of the month. I'm looking forward to it. But I know I've got to clean up my eating habits. I've been working hard to stay relaxed lately and that's going well. Keeping my to-do list organized and up-to-date, watching some really cool TV shows with Leo. Right now I'm addicted to TrueBlood . I don't know if I've ever mentioned my love of vampire stories. I think it has to do with lovin...

I don't know looking back if last week kicked my butt or if I managed to still kick butt back. All three of us were fighting off different kind of bugs, but no one was sick enough to stay home sick. So Leo was traveling, I got Phoebe on and off the bus, we did all after-school activities and managed to keep moving. I made chicken soup on Friday night to help us all get rid of our different sicknesses. Some people were asking how to get to the "corner turning" we seem to have achieved in Phoebe's focus. I think it has to do with Flylady routines. For those of you who have never checked her out - DO IT! I've been flying off and on since Phoebe was born and it's always helped us keep our heads above water. And with this school year it seems to have helped Phoebe too. She has her own list of things that have to be done after school. We started this last year, but she still fought doing it on her own. I think now that it's a whole new year and she's...

Phoebe has seemed so much different in the last week or two and in such a good way that my brain is amazed at her transformation. Firstly, she seems to have a lot more focus. Both her ice skating coach and guitar teacher have made this comment last Thursday. All of a sudden she is much less talk and more doing what she needs to do. They both made comments at what a difference there seems to be. And let me tell you, my heart swelled triple-size to hear her praised like this. The other thing that I've noticed is that I don't need to nag her to do the things that she needs to do as much as I used to. Last week, if I came home after her (DH was working from home a lot last week, so I could do this) I'd find her sitting on the couch, no TV on, reading a book, which is part of her homework to read for 15 minutes. It was such an odd thing to see! And then Saturday I took her grocery shopping with me. Usually when we get back from grocery shopping, she makes a beeline for ...

I think I've decided to vote for Obama. To set the record, I am a long-standing, tofu-eating (granola is really not that good for you), tree-hugging, national health insurance wanting, democrat. I waiver these days on voting Republican for one reason and it's not because they have Sarah Palin. It's taxes. Leo and I have our income fall into a bracket that needs to pay the alternate minimum tax. Please note that this was a tax that was supposed to keep really high-income people from not paying their fair share of taxes. This is increasingly netting more people in this bracket every year, but the government is not doing anything about it, because it is keeping the national budget from being as bad as it could be. Now let's be plain here. We're not the Rockefellers. We're not bad-off, but this is also because we both work in very high-stress jobs. We both get paid well to do this. If we weren't married, we would not fall into this bracket, but because...

I've been tagged by Trace The Rules: 1. Write about 5 specific ways blogging has affected you, either positively or negatively. 2. link back to the person who tagged you 3. link back to this parent post 4. tag a few friends or five, or none at all 5. post these rules— or just have fun breaking them 1. I have made some great friends to support me through both infertility as well as parenting. Parenting after infertility is much different than parenting after a "normal" pregnancy. You think about things a lot more and want to make sure you make the right decisions. Not that other parents don't do that. It's just different. You seem to appreciate your children in a different way. 2. I've learned a lot by reading other bloggers' experiences how much a person can go through and still come out OK. It's amazing the human capacity for survival. 3. There will always be a part of me that Leo doesn't understand because he is a man and that's OK. ...

I know I'm going to be doing IVF again in October, but keeping my weight at a healthy level is part of a larger goal for me. I want to make sure that when I get pregnant next time, it is a very healthy pregnancy and that I stay in shape. This has nothing to do with the actual weight on the scale. I just want to make sure I'm in the best place physically when I get pregnant again. We have an elliptical machine at home that I absolutely love and I'm trying to create a habit to spend 45 minutes on it every day. This started about three weeks ago. Last week it didn't go so well because DH was away for work and sitting on the couch with DD is so comforting when he's not around. But I'm back to it this week and it's going well. My butt is starting to not sag so much and getting itself into a better, perkier shape. BUT ... I did have some strange weight shifts with the last IVF cycle. My stomach. It's bloated, especially in the evenings. In the mornin...

As Alli mentioned, I need to get back to posting every day! I'm going to work on that truly I am. I think between the miscarriage and the back-to-school stuff, I needed to step away for a bit. All of Phoebe's afterschool and weekend activities are in full swing now. Her schedule, other than school is the following: - Monday - off - Tuesday - CYFF (aka CCD - Catholic education) - 6:30 - 8:00 PM - Wednesday - ice skating group class - 7:00 - 8:00 PM - Thursday - ice skating private lesson 5:00 - 5:40 PM - Thursday - guitar lesson - 7:30 - 8:00 PM - Friday - off - Family Night - Saturday - Opera Delaware play - 11 AM - 2 PM - Sunday - Opera Delaware play - 11 AM - 2 PM Busy girl, eh? We have no more room for anything else. I don't think she's overloaded. We still get homework done and she has plenty of time to play with her friends, so I think this is the right balance. Last night was "Back To School" night at her elementary school, ...

One of my favorite comfort foods is also a recipe that is supposed to be good for cleansing and digestive issues. Mung beans are supposed to be the easiest of beans to digest and soaking your beans makes them even easier to digest. I thought I had posted it on my blog, but when I went to search for it so I'd have easy access to the recipe I couldn't find it. I had to go searching all my whole foods cookbooks to find the computer print out the original version was on. There are many different recipes for kitchari. This is mine which is tweaked from a recipe that Yoga Journal published once on their website. Enjoy! 1 cup mung beans (soaked in water overnight) 1 cup brown rice (can be short grain or basmati) 1 tablespoon chopped ginger 2 tablespoons shredded coconut (can be dried) handful of cilantro 3 tablespoons of butter or ghee 1 teaspoon cinnamon 1/4 teaspoon each of salt, pepper, cardamom, ground cloves, tumeric 3 bay leaves In a blender, blend the ginger, coconut and ci...

I need to get back to blogging everyday. With the vacation and Phoebe starting school again, it's been difficult. But we'll be gearing up for our next IVF cycle and my goal is to make life as relaxed and productive as possible until then. Last night was a good start. I'm getting back into my Flylady routines and we had leftovers for dinner (whole-wheat pasta, sausage and roasted brocolli), got dinner cleaned up, got Phoebe ready for bed, which included making sure all her toys were put away before bed (that hasn't happened in a looooong time!). I was also able to go on the elliptical machine for 45 minutes and did some yoga for about 20 minutes afterward. BTW, I've noticed my belly still doesn't realize it's not pregnant. When I try to pull my belly in when doing forward bends and other poses, I noticed it really wants to stick out. So my butt is looking better from the past two weeks on the elliptical machine, but my belly looks worse than ever. I...

I'm exhausted from this week and looking forward to a quiet weekend what with the hurricane coming up the East coast and all. We're going to be going grocery shopping shortly. We went to the doctor today and I mentioned I haven't stopped bleeding yet. He said let's wait until mid-next week and if I'm still spotting to come in to see him and he'll find out what's going on. If it does stop over the weekend, we're cleared to have Ahem! marital relations! We haven't had that kind of fun around our parts since July and I'm looking forward to it! We've been told to use condoms, he he, to make sure there won't be any infection, not a pregnancy. Anyway, last update is that the couple I through the baby shower for had their baby yesterday. They named him the same name as an old friend's son. I really like that name - Rohan. I wish them all the luck in the world. Can't wait for them to bring him in the office!

My week off was wonderful, but now it's time to get to the back to school/work routines. Phoebe had her first day of 2nd Grade today. Hopefully, I'll have time tonight to post the pic Leo took of her on the front step in her "Back to School" clothes and new backpack. She looked so cute!!!! I can't wait to get home today to find out how the first day of school went. She kept telling me she didn't want to go to school today and that she doesn't like school. But when we went to visit her new teacher last week, she didn't want to leave the library!!! And she gave the librarian a big hug. It was so sweet. I hope she has a good time this year. She does very well in school, so that's not an issue. So now we'll be getting back to after school activities. Ice skating starts tomorrow!!! She's in Gamma 1 for those that out there that know about ISI levels. She went up a level over the summer, she worked so hard. CYFF (Catholic education ...

The D&E on Tuesday went fine. No issues. Although I started crying while they were strapping me into the table and putting in my IV. I think it's that moment that it hits you that it will soon be over. I haven't been bleeding too much (just spotting) and I wonder how long it's going to last. I'm so not a big fan of the monthly curse. Although when the next one comes, I can start taking BCPs and after two weeks of that, we'll begin injectables again for IVF. This is our week off and we've been quite busy. This past weekend, Leo did the ceramic tile floor in his parents' kitchen. Monday we took Phoebe and our nephew deep sea fishing. Because one should always go deep sea fishing the day before a D&E... I caught a lot of the fish we brought home, woo hoo! Tuesday afternoon, I was feeling fine and cooked the fish and the quinoa salad I've posted about before. We had our friends and their almost two-year-old little girl over for dinner. W...

Hi all. I'm sorry to report the fetal pole was no bigger today and there was no heartbeat. I don't have my hcg numbers back yet, but we're either expecting them to be dropping or slow rising. I'm to stop taking all progesterone and come back on Tuesday. They want me to not eat anything that day and they will do one last ultrasound before the doctor does a D&E. They want to do a D&E as they are afraid with my numbers slowly growing, it would take some time before my body realizes I'm not really pregnant. I am extremely disappointed, but I must admit that I'd rather know now this one will not work out than later in the first trimester, which is what happened for my one miscarriage. We had seen the heartbeat, but we lost it for genetic reasons at 10 weeks. I'm also glad they will do a D&E, because when they let me miscarry on my own when I had a blighted ovum, it was the most painful thing I ever experienced. I'll be asking the doctor...

Saturday will be 7 weeks and we have an ultrasound and bloodwork with the doctor. I'm hoping we see the heartbeat and my Hcg numbers doing some flying jumps. Anything to make me think this pregnancy is still viable. I've been taking it easy at home. I still don't feel as tired as I did when I was pregnant with Phoebe, but I know I eat a lot healthier, so is that giving me more energy??? Who knows. I know I feel bloated and a lot bigger in the lower belly than I was feeling and I got a yeast infection this week. Fun. Now I get to put two things inside at night instead of the progesterone suppositories I love so well. I did go to bed very early last night. I was in bed by 9:30PM. Leo is at his parents doing the tile floor in their kitchen while they are out of town. They took Phoebe, two of her other cousins and an aunt with them. Last night everyone starts calling around 10:30 - 11:00 PM. First Phoebe, then MIL, then Leo. Phoebe was tired and missed me. MIL ca...

I had another ultrasound and bloodwork today. The doctor did the ultrasound this morning and he did find a fetal pole, which is good news. My HcG today was 1851, which is not so good. I'd really feel better if these numbers were doubling or more. They want to see me again on Friday for another ultrasound and bloodwork. By then I will be 7 weeks pregnant. We should see the heartbeat by then, if this is viable. On one hand, my doctor is very good, giving this a chance to see if it will proceed to a healthy pregnancy. I on the other hand, am jaded, as I've had two losses in the first trimester and both those losses had some early indicators of issues. Things with Phoebe were right on target. Phoebe was sick over the weekend. She had a fever of 103 on Saturday night, so we took her home from her grandparents. She was supposed to stay there all week. Sunday, we loaded her with fluids and made my famous chicken soup. I think I have perfected that recipe as everyone in t...

So I'm doing OK. I'm actually doing great considering everything going on. I'm actually thinking if we get the official on Monday that this isn't going forward, I'd like to do some serious detoxing of my system. I will not be downing a big glass of wine or coffee after the bad news. I've come this far without that stuff in my system, I'd like to let it continue. I'm also doing great because even though DH and I had a rough conversation Wednesday night ("Are you sure we're not playing God" my response "God helps those that help themselves" - thanks Mom for that quote, I use it often) we had a good conversation this morning. He brought it up that if we find out on Monday that this won't work, he just wants to know what the game plan is and when can we try again. I almost kissed him massively, but I stopped myself because he was driving. I'm glad to know that he's as committed to this as I am. I'm coming back ...

So with everything going on in my strange corner of the world, I'm throwing a baby shower at work. I'm actually having fun. The cake is ordered and I have to pick it up in the morning. Today I went to BabysRUs with over $300 from both departments - it's a husband and wife that both work at this company, so I coordinated both departments to pitch in. For a big gift, we got them a baby swing. Then I got receiving blankets, a soft blanket, three outfits and a blanket sleeper. Also a baby bath product basket and a baby care pouch with thermometer, nail clippers and nail file, hair brush and comb and medicine droppers. I read Trace's latest post today before I went and I must admit it inspired me to be so giving. Just because I'm having a tough time with this pregnancy does not mean I cannot be happy for other people and want to give them joy.

So I wasn't particularly happy at my ultrasound. They saw a sac, but didn't seem to see me as far along as they expected. We redid my bloodwork and my HcG was 1011, which I went to a calculator, meant that it was only doubling every 3 days. I'm wondering if we're dealing with a blighted ovum here. I had one of those before Phoebe. I'm not going to let this get me down. If this one is not going to work out. I know we can do this again. I'm just disappointed right now that things aren't going the way I was hoping they would. I was hoping for everything to be rosy from here on out. They want to see me again on Monday for an ultrasound and bloodwork again.

I can't wait for tomorrow morning. I feel like it's forever since I've been at the doctor's office. You get so used to spending at least two days a week at the RE's office that when you are successful and only going once a week, you feel a loss of some kind. I still need more reassurance that everything is going on OK in there. I think St. Gerard and St. Anne are sick of hearing from me. So what else is a girl to do? I had my own homemade miso soup for breakfast - give that baby some vitamins and minerals from seaweed, when you feel like there's nothing else you can do. Have a morning snack of blueberries. Lunch was leftover pasta. I'm probably going to go set myself up some nettle tea and later have a green apple for a snack. We're having company over for dinner tonight, so that will keep my mind of thinking about tomorrow. I'm so proud of myself. I usually would never be able to do something like this, but last night I marinated chicken ...