Joys In My Life

I've been requested by The Queen Mama (what a cool blog name!) to do a List of Sevens. Here are mine: Seven things to do before I die (not in order of importance): 1. Travel the world extensively (US, Italy, Spain, South Africa, India, Vietnam, China, the list is endless) 2. Have more children (either biological or adopted) and see them become happy, healthy adults. 3. Study yoga with Joan White to become a certified Iyengar yoga instructor. 4. Learn more foreign languages and use often (goes with #1). 5. See world peace in my time (it's a long shot, I know). 6. Grow old with my darling husband. 7. Spend lots of time cooking fabulous foods in my new kitchen. Seven things I cannot (or will not) do: 1. Skydive. 2. Hang glide. 3. Scuba dive. 4. Go in a submarine underwater (do you see a claustrophobic and fear of heights theme, nahhhh). 5. Get my nipples pierced. 6. Ride a roller coaster. 7. Do a cartwheel. Seven things that attract me to my spou...

I've been busy getting ready for the holidays, so I know I've been a little sparse in my postings. You'll have to excuse my last post. I don't want to sound like I'm complaining about my daughter. To explain, it's a little more of a complaint of my families "Just Relax" when it comes to secondary infertility. You see, in my family, the first child is always the easier child. The one they never have to worry about. The second child is usually always in trouble. My mom is the second child (got pregnant at 16), my brother is the second child (bi-polar), and my mom's sister's second get's into trouble as well I've been told. They always tell me to stick to one. The first is the commercial. The second child is the real thing. I hate that saying as much as we all hate to hear "Just relax." "Go on vacation." "Just adopt." or my favorite hated new one..."New house, new baby." Phoebe's adjus...

My parents have a habit of telling me not to have a second child, as the first one is a commercial and the second one is the real thing. I have to disagree. My daughter is no commercial. I had a discussion with Phoebe's new Pre-K teacher who started three weeks ago. She said Phoebe's been having some horrible temper tantrums at least one a day, maybe two that are really disturbing to the class. Sometimes she has to be sent down the hall to the Director's office because she's just so loud, yelling, kicking, and screaming. I have to say I do believe her teacher. I've seen one or two at home and I send her to her room with her door closed. I will not give in to whatever she's looking for, because that will make it twice as bad next time. On the way home talking to her, I found out what I think happened that I'm hearing this from the new teacher. The new teacher follows the rules, that the Asst Director would break when she was filling in. She'd ...

John Lennon was my favorite Beatle. I even loved him post-Beatles in a completely different way. I was going to write a completely different post tonight, but coming back from dropping Tom off at school, I got to listen to NPR for an hour back to Delaware and of course the topic of the evening was John Lennon and comments from people as to what he meant to them and where were they when they found out he was shot dead? John Lennon meant a lot to me growing up, but I’ll discuss that more in a minute. Where was I when I found out he died? I was at home. I was 9, almost 10, years old. I remember my father telling me and I cried and was terribly upset. John Lennon being shot was my JFK assassination. To me John Lennon was young, exciting, and wanted to make the world a better place. Just his way was through music. Please don’t think that at 9 years old I was too young to understand this. You have to understand I was old way beyond my years at this point. I grew up listening to t...

So in this hectic life I've been faced with lately: way too much work, house on market, new house being built, getting dinner on table, etc., and being very frustrated with the infertility thing, I ran across a quote that made me feel much better. BTW, I'm researching other Traditional Chinese Medicine practictioners in the area. I like the lady I've been seeing, and she's very respected in her field, but I don't think it's working out. I just don't feel like she really knows me, and she always seems very scatterbrained and hurried. It kind of caught my attention when she realized I actually cook real meals at home, not the stereotype of boxed, re-heated meals of the career mother. Anyway, I decided to give myself some me time and I went to the basement to practice yoga. I open up my favorite Iyengar book and here's the quote that really was on the first page I opened to, "Do not stop trying just because perfection eludes you." I'll j...

Here's me looking all happy in my new kitchen last weekend standing next to what will be my stove. Behind me the bottom cabinet is the spice rack drawer. I can't wait to make my first meal here!!!

Here's a view of the sunroom that is off the kitchen. I think we'll have our long kitchen table in here, so it will extend our kitchen/food entertaining area.

Here's the view that I went crazy over last Sunday. There will be an island that can seat three comfortably in the middle of the room. The box straight on is where my Wolf 6-burner 1 1/2-oven stove will be. I am planning lots of good cooking memories here.

Here's the latest front view of the new house. There is scaffolding in front as they've started putting the stones on the front of the house. It's hard to tell from this picture, but the color is fabulous!

I've really been having fun in the kitchen lately. I don't really cook fancy gourmet meals. That's my husbands domain, but I've been having a lot of fun and success with making simple everyday meals taste really good. I've been learning some interesting techniques along the way too that I can use in many different ways. The two recipes that I've been playing with are a lentil soup with rice or pasta (I like it with brown rice best) and pasta with vegetables in a creamy garlic sauce. The lentil soup recipe started from my favorite book " Vegetarian Cooking for Everyone ." I highly recommend this book even for non-vegetarians. It is very thick, easy to read, and is chock full of good information on how to cook different vegetables, whole wheat pizza, muffins, desserts, vegetarian soups, pretty much anything you can think of. This recipe was originally a lentil minestrone, which the second time I made this I substitute the small pasta with brown ri...

I'm exhausted. We've been up until 2 AM for most of the nights over this Thanksgiving weekend, as we've been getting ready to put our house on the market tomorrow!!! I'll have to post a link to the Patterson Schwartz website for our house listing when they have it up. This weekend in order to get ready we've done the following: Installed crown molding in the two-story foyer and upstairs hallway (used caulk). Installed two new sinks in our master bathroom with new faucets (more caulk). Replaced the shower door in our master bathroom (more caulk again). Painted the master bathroom. Touch up paint on walls and trim (some caulking of windows). Decluttered and deep cleaned the study and dining room. Cleaned the whole house. After midnight, as we're doing one big caulk-fest (Tom left the caulking of everything until the end), I'm making lots of over-tired jokes about my DH's caulk. Pictures were taken this morning, and all the paperwork was filled out with ...

Wishing all my blog friends a very Happy Thanksgiving and in honor of the hols tomorrow, here is my list of Things I'm Thankful For: My darling DH who puts up with my strange behavior and pursuits and loves me all the more every day. My DD who has helped me on my journey to learn patience and how to look at life through a child's eyes. My family, my side as well as the in-laws, who remind me that all families are crazy and isn't that terrific! My friends, who help fill my life with laughter and good times (usually over few bottles of wine). My on-line friends, for their support, advice, and making me realize I'm not alone. My obscure thanks are for: My yoga teacher, for helping me realize my inner self and calm my mind from the stress of life. My acupuncturist, for supporting my quest for fertility and overall health. Bridget Jones and the Bridget Jones Fan Fiction website for entertaining me endlessly. Colin Firth for being an outstanding actor and really nice to look ...

Can't get a break. Thought was doing lovely this evening being prepared for Phoebe to go to cousin's birthday party, by going to ToysRUs on way home from work. Made us a little late to get home, but we're just eating leftovers, so shouldn't be bad, right? So wrong!!! Got home, took dog out, started heating up dinner. Phoebe starts crying in the powder room. She's constipated. Guess she's been drinking a bit too much milk lately. Talk to her a bit and realize it's a little cold in the house. Take look at thermostat to see the temp. 62 degrees!!!! Go to register for central air as blower is on. I can hear it. It's cold. After a phone call to MIL realize it's the same thing that happened last March. Find phone number for company. Thankfully, they walk me through restarting the furnace over the phone. It works!!! Now the question is if I should have them come over tomorrow or wait for Monday. Weekend rates, ack! Phoebe is finally eatin...

It is officially over. Temps dropped more this morning and AF arrived. I'm not really upset, as I've analyzed my chart and I strongly believe that my body was really thinking about being pregnant this month. For some reason it decided no, but if I wasn't paying attention to my cycle as I am, I never would've noticed as I had a 28-day cycle. If I wasn't charting, I wouldn't have known that I ovulated on Day 11 and was technically late. It reiterates for me that I am on the right path with the changes I've been making, and I think this will eventually work for me. If not, I'll be really healthy!!! I was also thinking of stopping taking my temps, but this shows me that this is still valuable information for me, so I will continue doing that as well. On the changes that I've been making, I still splurge every now and then with a little coffee and cream or a small amount of pasta or bread, but they are splurges and not the regular staples of my die...

I did buy a 2-pack of the Fact Plus Early Detection tests instead of First Response (FRED) last night. I didn't have the heart to take it this AM as my temp went down to 98.0. I have no idea what is going on. I am definately 16 DPO, which has never happened to me. AF hasn't come, I don't know if she will. I bet I'll get it on Friday when I have my annual GYN exam. Anyone know if they'll still do Pap smears when you have your period? I know I've had vaginal ultrasounds when I've been having a really heavy period. I don't know. I'll have to call. Yesterday was a rough, yet productive day personally. Work is stressing me out though. I need more time to concentrate to get things done at work. I went home for a long lunch yesterday to meet with the realtor that will be putting our house on the market so we can move to the new house. We made a decision to put the house on the market on 11/29/05. I think Tom and I decided last night how much w...

I have no idea what's going on. I did take another test my friend had left over from 3 months ago. Unfortunately it was another FRED. Big old negative, my friends. I have no idea what is going on. I'll probably pick another brand this evening and use it tomorrow morning. Maybe I'm just too early.

Temp 98.4 this morning. AF no where in sight. My pregnant girlfriend that sits next to me at work is bringing in her spare pregnancy test to work today. If she forgets, I'm going home at lunchtime anyway to meet with realtor who will be selling our house starting the beginning of December. I so think this is it. Everyone cross your fingers. If this is true, it will be the first time I've ever gotten pregnant naturally in the 11 years of marriage with my DH.

I'm officially late if you go by my Fertility Friend chart. I'm 14 DPO with no official temp drop in sight. It went back up again this morning at 98.2. I think it might have been even higher on Sunday morning if I was able to get a good reading in, but we were up really late and DH woke me up in the middle of the night and I got up. When I took my temp at 8:30 AM, it was 99. I didn't bother to record that one. We'll see what happens. I hate FREDs as I took one last night and this morning. Both were negative. Then hope rears her mighty head reminding me of the notes I've seen of a high number of false negatives with FREDs. Why didn't I buy something else?

I'm sorry to say, but Tertia has been getting a lot of flak on her website lately for not beige-ing down her posts. I know I usually don't touch on a lot of topics that some may disagree with as I'm usually too busy writing about my desire for another child, how much I love my daughter, and trying to balance work, home, and family. However, I'll take this moment to share a few of my more controversial thoughts. I do not like the war in Iraq. I feel very much for the families of the soldiers that are out there and try to be very supportive of them. However, I do not agree that the way to fight terrorism is to play their game. I strongly believe that violence breeds violence. That said I also feel I should add that I also made a conscious decision not to add to it. My degree is in electrical engineering. When I graduated, it was during the recession of the early 90s. At the time, the best jobs I could get were in US Defense contracts. I refused to go into this i...

Temp dropped to 98.0. I'm sure AF will arrive in next two days. Am now going to enjoy a big mug of coffee (mmmm Starbucks Italian Roast beans mmmmm), and tonight a nice glass of Vala's new reds as friends bringing some over to see the great work we've done on house to get it ready to sell. I've got a lot more cleaning to do before they come over tonight, and Phoebe has ice skating this morning. Today is her test day to see if she's learned enough to move up to the next class. I'm not sure if she will. She's been working really hard, but she's just starting to grasp some of the concepts well. Not that it matters if she moves up. I'm not one for pushing her. I just like to make sure she's challenged.

I know I have an awful lot of links in my blog, but if you take a look at my Temp Chart, it was 98.6 this morning! That's a huge jump. I'm 11 DPO and due to get AF on Monday. Will she show? Could this be the infamous triphastic chart I've been looking for? Tune in tomorrow AM to see if the high temps continue. I know I will. BTW, I did go through all the thoughts in my head of if I woke anytime during the night and such or if I took my temp at a different time, but no, it was 5 AM and I know I was sound asleep since my head hit the pillow at 11:30 PM. Let's all keep our fingers crossed!!!

Phoebe is a genious! I know we all think that about our kids, but I have proof. As usual, the time we have our most meaningful conversations is in the car on the way home from school. She's usually not as talkative in the morning, as she is not a morning person. Out of the blue on the way home today: "Hey Mom, you know if you're an astronaut in outer space you could keep going forever. Just like numbers, it goes on forever!" Now I was so proud, I put my hand back for her to give me five. You see, we have debates like my dad and I did, although now I play the part of my dad in these conversations. I try to tell her ways to think about things, and she tells me I'm wrong. The latest has been on numbers that the cool thing about them is that they go on forever and that's what infinity means (I'm such a geek talking to my five-year-old about numbers!). Anyway, she tells me no that a million is the highest number. So on top of getting the concept on th...

What a great weekend. We were very, very busy, but it was chock-full of great moments. We're still doing lots of stuff to get our house ready to put on the market. It has to go up within the next week or two. Saturday morning Phoebe had ice skating class. They had a different teacher today, which was good because she helped Phoebe and another girl learn a skill they were both having problems with. I have no idea what it's called, as I'm not an expert on figure skating. I just know how do to the the basic skills, but no idea what they are called. After ice skating, I took Phoebe to the Natural Foods Co-Op. She'd never been there before, but she loved every minute of it. BTW, I'm in love with their produce department. All their produce is organic, and they have everything!!! I had made a grocery list for the week with what produce we needed for our weekly menu and bought all organic veggies! I think we may make this a Saturday ritual for after ice-skating. ...

I'll need to update my picture in the corner soon, as that was from June of this year. My hair is longer and yesterday I went to the hairstylist and told her I wanted hair the color of Phoebe's. She told me it's not possible to replicate the hair color of a child, as they get the real thing, but we got close. You can at least tell that she's my daughter now. I love it of course, it's close to my real hair color, only better. I was having a tough day today. I was a little frustrated that I ovulated earlier than I expected this month. I just hope I'm on the right track, but I won't really know until a pregnancy shows up. Oh wait, that's right scratch the end to "when a baby shows up." I went to the acupuncturist today and we talked. She told me to be patient and it will happen. It made me feel a little better. The 1/2 hour nap while the needles were in REALLY made me feel better. I guess what's so frustrating is the reminder on Sun...

Phoebe is still on a post-Halloween high. We got home today, she wanted to play dress up, and then she proceeded to never shut up. We were playing the "Hey Mom Pretend This" Game while I was making dinner. You never really have to pretend anything, because she will immediately jump to the next thing that you need to pretend. Here's what was keeping me laughing and crying inside tonight at the same time. Comes down dressed as ballerina: "Hey Mom! Pretend I'm a ballerina and your a chef!" 5 minutes later Comes down dressed in some other dress: "Hey Mom! Don't I look like a cheerleader? Pretend I'm your sister and you work in a kitchen and we have a dog. OK?" 2 minutes later Comes down dressed in cat costume: "Hey Mom! Pretend I'm your cat and I'm hanging out in your kitchen! I'm going to sleep in here." I turn on some music (our friend Glenn E. Williams, link to his website on the side) as I need to relax fro...

Things are going OK. It's pretty hard when we're at other people's houses, like my in-laws for dinner. So I'm not announcing my new restrictions, just eating my MIL's fantastic meatloaf in moderation on Sunday. It was so good. Over the weekend in the afternoon, DH and I would go out for coffee. I need to start turning that over to tea. So I had one coffee on Saturday and another on Sunday, but yesterday and today I've been very good. I'm trying really hard not to beat myself up if I stray a little, as long as I'm remembering to cheat in small amounts and go back to plan right after. Such as last night I had a few Hershey's minatures. It was Halloween! Gotta have some chocolate. I'll try to post my updates daily though. Keeps me going.

I'm trying an experiment. I'll let you all know how it goes. I did some more additional reading and found that if I really want to feel even better physically, and possibly get pregnant, I should give up the following: Coffee (we all know this one) Dairy products Wheat products (no pasta, bread, or anything made with flour even if it's whole wheat) Fried, greasy foods Alcohol I'm going to give it a shot and see what happens. I'm even keeping a log of what I'm eating and taking my herbs and supplements. Let's see how this goes. Wine and cheese are really hard for me to give up. I'm giving it the 21 days trial to keep with it. I have to admit it's pretty hard, and I've already been tested along the way. I went to a 9 AM meeting at work for our whole department and they had pastries, fruit, and coffee brought in. I am so proud of myself. I drank my green tea in my coffee mug and took some of the fruit. No bagel or danish for me, Thank you! I'll...

It's a little late, but it was Saturday, October 22, DH and I have been married for 11 years!!! I don't think I can say it better than Gwen Stefani from her CD "Love, Angel, Music, Baby." The Real Thing I've seen your face a thousand times Have all your stories memorized I've kissed your lips a million ways But I still love to have you around I've held you too many times to count I think I know you inside out And we're together most days But I still love to have you around And you're the one I want and it's not just a phase And you're the one I trust, our love is the real thing Don't go awayMy love (my love) I want you to stay In my life Don't go away My lover (my love) I'm happiest when we spend time You're a salty water, ocean wave You knock me down, you kiss my face I know the storms will always come But I still love to have you around And Heaven knows what will come next So emotional, you're so complex A rollercoast...

Just a quick update to let you all know that AF is now visiting for our anniversary. I'm fine once again. I really don't mind as lots of other things have been resolved in my TCM quest. I am now in possession of the sex drive I had in my twenties, so who could ask for more, other than their DD going to bed on time, so we can enjoy it!!! If I haven't mentioned it before, our plan is to fill out adoption paperwork after we move to PA. Since we are crossing state lines, there is no point to do it before then. I'll have a lovely sappy post tomorrow for my anniversary.

It's been tough to write this week. I'm coming to the end of my two-week-wait this month. My temps started dropping yesterday, which is really early, but I don't feel AF coming. My PMS symptoms have been lessened a lot the past few months due to the TCM protocol I've been following, so I can't tell if her visit is imminent. The part that's been weird are the phantom pregnancy symptoms this month. I've been feeling pretty nauseous the past three days, which is weird for me as I hate to have an upset stomach and never had morning sickness with any of my three pregnancies before (including when I had Phoebe). Granted I was on hormone rage with each of those from fertility treatments, so who knows what should happen to me normally. I haven't officially thrown up, but I feel very off in that department. I haven't been eating any different than usual, usual healthy fare. The only thing that's different is that I did have a flu shot on Tuesday morni...

I think I came to an amazing realization last night that our dog, Corona, truly is Phoebe's little sister. Here's the events in the past 24 hours that made me realize that I do have a second child already. Last night, while I'm getting changed out of my work clothes, Phoebe stands onto my bed while dangling her new belt over the side insisting, "I'm fishing for doggies!" while Corona jumps up after the belt. She's truly teasing the dog. We all go downstairs and I start making dinner. I have to keep going in and stopping Corona from trying to steal Phoebe's stuffed teddy bear. Corona is truly teasing Phoebe. This morning, we're waiting for a man to come to measure where we're putting in hardwood floors before we sell the house (don't ask why!). Corona steals a scrunchie out of Phoebe's hair making one of her braids fall out. Get the hair tie from the dog, fix Phoebe's hair. Then they are both waiting by the front door for someone to ...

Our hot water heater is on the fritz again. It's time to do something about it. It did this a few months ago, we had the ignition cleaned off, and it was fine until this past week. It's a gas hot water heater with an electric ignition. If the ignition gets too dirty it has a safety feature that won't have it try again and you don't get any more hot water until you unplug and then plug back in the heater and it starts up. Needless to say, I had a cold shower this morning, and fate the way she laughs at me made it a hair washing day too. I only wash my hair every other day, but it really needs it by the third day. The funny part of this story is that my husband had a feeling that the hot water heater needed to be rebooted and didn't do it until I was going in the shower which did me no good. BTW, it became a joke instead of an argument. Are we wierd or what? Granted I was pissed that he felt the water for some reason when I started it, and informed me that it ...

I'm doing very well tonight with updates, so with no further ado, this is the status of the new house!!!! We have walls, most windows, and a front door!!! It still won't be ready until 28 Feb 2006.

I was at my weekly acupuncturist visit today. I look forward to the time I spend there. It's so peaceful, like my yoga class. Last week's visit included a very strange meeting. There was a woman there last week that looked exactly like my father's mother, Trini. Nonni Trini to me. The resemblance was very striking. She had the same hairstyle, dark brown curls in a short do that you can see it was styled, hazel eyes, Grecian nose, and the same amazing smile. She reminded me of exactly how Nonni looked when I last saw her, which was 1975 and I was four-years-old. She passed away at 48 from lung cancer. With this woman was her husband and daughter. Her daughter had the same strikingly beautiful looks. It's not what one would consider a classic beauty, but I'm awestruck just the same. I talked to her daughter while Mary, the receptionist, was checking her out. I didn't have the heart to tell her how she resembled my grandmother to a tee. I was still in...

Here's the Birthday Girl!!!

Today, Phoebe Katharine, my little girl, is five-years-old. I don't know where the time has gone. You're getting so big. You even stood in front of the bathroom mirror this morning and compared your height to mine and mentioned how small you were when you were four. It seems like only yesterday that you were born and we had so many worries about your health and future. I was so scared and trying to keep it all together. And here you are now, extremely tall, big brown (almost black and totally huge) eyes and long brown hair, smiling when I wake you with a, "Happy Birthday, little girl!" I am so happy to have you in my life. I wouldn't be who I am today without you. May your life always be "bright and shining," just like your name means. Happy Birthday, sweetheart. BTW, I'll be updating this later with a birthday picture.

I know, not good for fertility, but can't be helped. We've got a lot going on in our little world. So to give you an update on what I've been up to here's a strange stream of consiousness. Saturday, we went to my boss's house and I bought a relatively new spare washer and dryer from him. Mt. Washmore began to come tumbling down after my DH and BIL hooked it up that afternoon. Sunday, went to in-laws to see the new baby. He is pretty cute. And to pick up my munchkin who had been spoiled by her grandparents for a week! Monday and Tuesday, Tom and I were both supposed to be off work, so he could finish the taping and spackling of the drywall in the soon-to-be-finished basement. I was to finish painting and get caught up on assorted appointments we needed to take care of (calling an installer for the basement carpeting we picked out, making appt to order blinds for the front rooms of the current house, rescheduling appt with the landscaper for the new house, ca...

I had my first 28-day cycle since I was in my 20s! Woo hoo! BTW, this means AF came on Sunday. I say it's probably a good thing since I have so much stuff to do, I probably shouldn't be in the "I'm so tired phase" I get for the whole first trimester. I'm going to take the day off today, take Phoebe to school and get some more stuff done. The good news is that I got a washer and dryer from my boss. They had just moved and ended up with two sets. So my washing machine issues are over. No second trip to the laundromat for me, thank God. Not to bore anyone, but I think my blog over the next few weeks is mostly going to be about the things I have to get done around here. Not much to report on the infertility front this month. I'll still be doing my charting though and we'll see how it goes.

Actually, it wasn't even hazy, but non-existant. At 11 DPO today, it's still pretty early. I don't think I'm going to try again until Sunday morning if my temps stay relatively high. My almost tri-phastic chart let me down the immediate next day. So of course on top of looking for phantom pregnancy symptoms, I'm also looking for my usual PMS symptoms. You all know how it is.

OK, all. I'm coming clean now. I'll be doing the ol' POAS tomorrow AM. I'll be 11 DPO. So while I'm doing a prayer to all creation tonight, please do the same, or at least keep all your bits crossed for me. Usually I'm not an early tester, but I'm telling myself to do this as I have an acupuncture appointment tomorrow and I'd like to be able to give her good news if I can. Am I fooling anyone here? Really I'm just getting really impatient at this point and I'd like to have good news myself as early as possible. Of course I'm noticing every possible phantom pregnancy symptom: being tired, is my tummy upset?, my gums were bleeding when I flossed my teeth. Yup, I'm going certifiable.

Dylan Thomas (aka Flash), my new nephew, was born via cesearean section on Saturday afternoon. He was 8 lbs 7 oz and 20 1/2 inches long. Both Mom (my SIL) and baby are doing well. I went and stayed overnight at the hospital with the rest of the family on Friday night after her water broke at 8 PM, but quite a few of us left on Saturday morning as she was only at 2 cm dilated by 10 AM. Many went back in time, but I waited for Tom to come back from school later in the afternoon so we would only have one car in NJ. On other news, the Melting Pot was awesome. Had one fantastic glass of white wine (had to drive to NJ to take Phoebe to her cousin's anyway and always hold out hope to be PG) and the food was wonderful! We didn't have dessert as we were so full already! Had Wisconsin cheese fondue to start, mixed green salad with walnut raspberry vinegrette dressing, and then the coq a vin fondue with surf n turf and the regular combination platter. Had a good (quiet) cry on the w...

For anyone who might read the last post and worry about me. I'm OK. The pity party is officially over. My friend Suzy invited Phoebe and I out to dinner tonight with her DH and 2 kids (teenagers, the older is our babysitter). We're going to the Melting Pot. It's a fondue restaurant, and none of us have ever been there before. When she said she'd like to try it I thought it would be great for Phoebe, what 4-year-old doesn't like to play with sticks and dip their food? After that I'm taking Phoebe to her grandparents and will see SIL#1 who is due to have her baby today. I'm truly happy for her and I know our time will come. Everyone have a great weekend!

I'm having a rough day today. I swear this is the worst two-week wait ever! I'm surrounded by PG women, my SIL is due to have her baby today, and I feel like I want to curl up in fetal position and have a good cry. Then there's the other part of me that wants to smack myself and say, "Snap out of it!" a la Cher in Moonstruck . Maybe I'll feel better just typing this. I hope so, because then there's the guilt factor in my brain saying that this mood is not conducive to me having a good outcome this month. Like whether or not I have a good cry is going to get me knocked up. I took the day off work yesterday and got a lot of personal errands done, which I so needed to do. Here's my day yesterday: Took Phoebe to school. Went to Starbucks as I had time before my acupuncture appt and went over my to do list and read some personal emails on my Treo cell phone. Went to acupuncture appointment. Love it there. Even the smell relaxes me. Went home, had l...

The other shoe dropped this morning. My friend who sits next to me is pregnant with her second child. She found out over the weekend. She got pregnant with her first when I was seeing the RE. We were doing our 2nd round of IVF when she had her baby. It was an oops baby. Not that her DD was unwanted though, she really is the cutest little baby. I showed the appropriate amount of happiness for her and promised not to tell anyone (but I will tell DH tonight, but that doesn't count). She's not one of those naive women that will announce to the world the instant she has a positive POAS. She's told some of her family members and me. We tell each other this stuff and she knows what I'm going through, so she's very sensitive to that. So all in all, I'm happy for her. In other events, I need to post some pics of the building of the new house. They framed the rear walkout area of the basement and are starting to put in the support beams in the basement to supp...

So I'm getting good at hearing the news that others in my life are pregnant for the thousandth child while I'm still looking for a second child and maybe my first without at RE involved. On Sunday, my BIL called and talked to DH. His wife is pregnant, with their third child no less. I think I took the news very well, other than the thoughts in my head of "why not me?" As well as thinking who else is left in my life to say their pregnant like the lady who sits next to me or my hairdresser, because at this point, Phoebe now has 3 more first cousins that will born in the next 9 months. The next of which is in about two weeks. At least I'll have more babies to hold until they start crying.... It is nice to give them back when they cry.

Phoebe lost her two bottom front teeth, one today and one yesterday. She was so excited about losing the first one yesterday she had more energy than usual. One of her new friend's at the new neighborhood told us that there are several tooth fairies and that you get assigned one. Her's is Genivieve. We found out from the note that Phoebe's tooth fairy left that her name is Anastasia. Such a lovely fairy name isn't it? Anastasia left her the note and a Sacagawea dollar coin to start a coin collection. Tonight Phoebe put the second tooth under her pillow with a letter for Anastasia. One of the things she asked in the letter was where she lives. Phoebe told us in the car ride back from getting ice cream that she wanted to visit her Tooth Fairy. I told her that I thought she lived in Neverland with her friend Tinkerbell, as her new friend says the Tooth Fairies and Tinkerbell are all good friends. Phoebe replied, "Mom, Tinkerbell is not real. She's just ...

I just got back from my regular physical appointment with my PCP. I love this woman! I want her to be my best friend, or at least let me stalk her. Other than their practice being very efficient and on time, she is the most personable woman I know. We both about the same age, maybe she's about 5 years older than me, obviously she is a woman, but she is so cool! Why? Both her kids are from IVF. She doesn't hide it. She knows it's frustrating. She asks all kinds of questions around your life, stress, mental state, etc. We talked about how we gave up on conventional infertility treatments, got a dog, and I'm now seeing an acupuncturist. She totally understood, how cool is that??? She also agreed that the dog was important, as she got a puppy when they found out they needed to go the IVF route. So basically, I want my PCP to be my best friend because she's another rocking infertile, as we all are. I think also as she's a mom. One of the things we talke...

I don't have too much time for a long post as I have to get to work, but AF showed up yesterday afternoon. Not that I expected it would work out this month anyway. Tom was at class when I ovulated. I got a call from my mom last night from the hospital. Nan is doing a little better. She was quite delusional since the surgery, and they kept drugging her up to keep her from being violent. My mom believes they had her oxygen turned up too high and that is was CO2 narcosis. Gotta run!

Which was the statement my Nan made to my uncle, using my husband's name, when she was coming out of the anestesia yesterday evening. She was very nervous the night before and the morning of the surgery. I'm sure she was nervous the whole week. Apparently, she'd never been put under anestesia before, and she's 74 years old! She had some wine the night before at our house. My DH gave her her favorite VaLa Barbera red wine. Nan did great through the surgery. The doctors said everything looked very clean on her lung. They removed the offending mass and some lymph nodes. She had a horrible time coming out of the anestesia. She was quite drugged up. It was like she was drunk. Slurring her words, smiling, saying she was happy it was over, and she was really, really tired. Her surgery started at 10:10 AM, she was in Recovery by 12:30 PM, but she didn't go to her room in the surgical unit until after 6:30 PM, as she was too out of it. Today wasn't that great. ...

Jo had her baby! Go over there now and congratulate her if you haven’t. I’ll wait here…. OK, so another cute moment in the development of my daughter's sense of humor. We’re driving to her first eye doctor appointment yesterday and she sees a sign for a palm reader. It’s a sign of a big red hand. “Mommy, what’s that big red hand for?” “It’s a sign for a palm reader.” “What’s a palm reader?” “A person who looks at your hand and can tell you what’s going to happen in your future.” “What’s going to happen to me in the future?” “I don’t really know, dear.” Pause in the backseat. “I guess I’d have to ask her wouldn’t I, Momma?” I have to admit I almost said that myself, but figured it would be rude to say to my daughter, so I bit my tongue. Glad one of us said it. On another note, Nan, my mom, and aunt are coming tonight and we’re all going to the hospital together in the morning. I’m sure everything will be fine, but I’ll worry until it’s over.

Happy Birthday to my dear, dear, DH. His birthday was really yesterday, but I was so busy with Phoebe making sure everything was nice for his birthday dinner at home I couldn't write. On the way home from work, we picked up a carrot cake (his favorite) from a local bakery he loves. Then we went to the mall to pick up cards, and last to the grocery store, for some salad greens and candles for the cake. We had a fantastic dinner. Phoebe pretended (but we're not just pretending, Mom!) to be at a restaurant and she was the hostess/waitress. She made out menus for all three of us and made Tom wait in the foyer when he was ready for dinner so she could show him to the table. She served all the plates for dinner, poured drinks, etc. It was too cute. Obviously she was not pretending to be a bus person, because she wasn't interested in helping clear the table of the dishes when we were done! Dinner was great. I impressed myself. It was my first time making homemade piz...

So why did I like that PBS special in my last post. Oh, I don't know. Maybe the fact that I STILL WANT MORE BABIES!!! It was so cute to watch this baby in the video and the faces she made, and how cute she was. Of course while I'm watching it I'm remembering what Phoebe was like as a baby. She was also so cute, big eyes and smile. Remembering the firsts that probably only I would remember... the first smile because she knew it was Mommy that showed up in front of her (she had lots of smiles before that for other reasons), the first recognition of something I said (I told her something was behind her and she turned around and got it. Huge deal as she didn't even talk at the time. I didn't know she really understood things yet.), her first word "Doggy" (and there was one across the street), and the last I'll ennumerate asking to have her ears pierced before she was even two years old (she kept asking for a whole month before we did it). I don...

I saw this on PBS tonight. It was really cute. Very nice to see how a father relates to his baby daughter from babyhood to toddlerhood. His daughter is very photogenic too! Update on Nan... We got to take her, my mom, and my aunt to my favorite place in Chinatown. I called my mom last night and she said it was the best Chinese food they ever had. Her surgery is scheduled for 26 August and she should be out of the hospital within a week. After that she'll be at a rehabilitation hospital for a bit and then she'll be having chemo, we're not sure exactly when. They are giving her a very good prognosis for a full recovery from the cancer, 75% with surgery alone, and 95% with chemo. We're all very happy.

Lots been going on sorry, I haven't been updating. Tom and his brother started finishing the basement. Tom will need to work on it some more when he gets back from school. Tom started his ExMBA program this weekend and they go for a week coming back this Friday. I went to a welcome barbecue where you were allowed to invite a guest, being a spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc. Someone who is involved in supporting your educational pursuits. Phoebe stayed at her aunt's that night and I picked her up on Sunday. It was very interesting having Tom back at school. He's learning a lot about himself. It was very sexy (don't ask me why, it just was)! It was funny one of the realizations he had. He told me he noticed he has to watch how he says things because he "has a tendency to sound a little arrogant and snobbish." I laughed as I always knew this and told him "he's always been my modern-day Mr. Darcy." He's been very nervous about the workload, the...

We fought with crown moulding all day Sunday, and we won! The house is coming together for putting it on the market, although there is still a lot to do. I'll be doing touch up painting trim in the family room, foyer, and steps to the basement. After that dries, we get to put curtains back up again in the family room and then we'll move the kitchen table out of the kitchen and start painting in there. Tom starts school this Saturday, and he'll be gone all weekend and until the end of next week. This Thursday, my Nan, mom, and possibly Aunt will be coming to Philly to meet with the doctors that will do Nan's surgery to remove the cancer from her lung. Phoebe and I will probably leave work/school early to go meet them for dinner. Good news: all the other tests came back negative, so it doesn't look like the cancer has spread from her lung. She'll have surgery in about three weeks. After that, I believe they will still be doing chemo and she'll be in Ph...

So my DH called me today that he's about to have an anxiety attack. I'm not sure why. We're just going through the following: Getting our house ready to put on the market in September Tom starting his Executive MBA at Villanova on August 13th Breaking ground for the new house I know it's only three things, but each one has a laundry list of tasks we need to complete. And I almost forgot. Tom will be turning 35 on August 22nd. I should tell him to expect a tumultuous year. I did tell him to relax that we were working on everything and gee isn't it nice things feel like they are moving forward. I don't think this month will be our month, as Tom will be away at school when I'm ovulating. I don't think I really care. I'm just happy to begin having normal cycles. Is this where I can joke and act like I'm "planning" to get pregnant the following month like all those normal people out there? It would be pretty convenient, as the baby w...

Not this month. Temp dipped this morning and AF is here. This is OK. Obviously the course of action I am following is regulating me with a normal cycle. I haven't had one on my own since my early twenties. Now if we could just do something about the backache I get as PMS. It's brutal. I also had the nicest treat this morning. Phoebe crawled into my bed in the middle of the night and asked if we could cuddle. It was nice to fall back asleep with my arms around my little girl. She's such a sweetie.

So here's my plan to go forward. I'm not going to be testing until Friday or Saturday again. Maybe this baby is holding out for her father to come home from his business trip. Maybe I'm not really pregnant. Maybe I am pregnant, but this one's not going to work out. I'm OK with all possibilities. I'm amazed that TCM has gotten me this far. Granted I sort of believed it might, as my infertility (other than having endo in the past) is unexplained. But I always had short luteal phases. Even for my first round of OI/IUI trying to have Phoebe, they didn't put me on progesterone suppositories. They thought I wouldn't need it as I almost hyperstimulated. Ha, I got AF on day 21, baby! I didn't even get a pregnancy test that cycle. After that I was always on progesterone. There's a part of me that wonders if I should call the doctor tomorrow and take a blood test, but then that would get me on the cycle of early ultrasounds and worrying. ...

Temp dropping a little bit (98.1). FRED test still negative. Going to get a few more minutes of sleep.

I guess it's kind of a tie. My temp is still high today, no dip announcing the impending arrival of our friend, AF. I took a FRED today though and it was completely negative. I couldn't even say I saw a hint of a second line. Of course I got a pack with 2 tests. So.... if my temp is high tomorrow, I test again. Rinse and repeat until either AF or BFP show up.

I'm trying to forget about if my temp will still be high tomorrow and if I'll test. I bought my first FRED since 2001. I've never gotten this close when I wasn't under the care of a RE. So in order to forget tonight what may transpire tomorrow, I gave Phoebe a bath tonight, washed her hair, and put on a Disney Stich automatic bubble blower. She thought it was brilliant for bathtime fun. Now I'm sitting in bed, watching Bridget Jones, and I'm going to clean out some emails. I'll let you all know the results in the morning.

Sorry to take the Lord's name in vain, but I'm not sure what to do with this information yet. I've now made it to 12 days past ovulation with no dip in temperature showing AF's impending arrival. Actually this morning it jumped! I'm not sure if it's a fluke or what!!!! I think it it's high again tomorrow, I'm going to do the old POAS. Also, Mom confirmed yesterday, Nan's lung cancer is malignant. They want her to have surgery, but they need to increase her lung capacity first. Mom, Nan, and probably my Aunt Debbie are going to come down on Sunday next weekend to visit the model home and go to the vineyard. I'm going to try really hard not to cry, as we're not telling Phoebe yet about Nan's condition. I don't think her brain could wrap around it right now. Phoebe does know what cancer is, and that you can die from it, but I don't want her to think now that her great-grandmother might die. Hopefully this will all work out.

Yesterday as I posted before, I was starting to feel my usual PMS symptoms. So I took a nice warm bath last night, gave myself a mani/pedicure, and read my latest Us magazine . Yes I love trashy gossip, especially this Angelina Jolie stuff. I don't get that either. She's such a pretty lady, but even in hot places like Africa and California, she dresses in all black. What's up with that??? Anyway, I got a good night's sleep last night and I felt much better this morning. I got to exercise on the eliptical machine and got of to work without a hitch. I've had good energy today with the exception of after lunch I was getting a little sluggish. No tummy issues at all today, thank God. And if you look at my chart, my temp hasn't dipped yet. Now it is still too early and it might in the next two or three days, but it ain't over til the fat lady sings. I have a new coffee shop I found and am in love with. It's around the corner from my office and they...

I still have no update on my Nan. They won't have the results from the biopsy until Friday or Monday. My mom will call my cell as soon as she knows. Also at this point she isn't a candidate for surgery. Her current lung capacity isn't that great. The doctor put her on some inhalers in order to increase it so she may be able to become a candiate. Otherwise we're dealing with radiation and chemo, but at the size of the mass (4 cm) it would only prolong her life. Other scary thing is I found out they also did an MRI/Cat scan (not sure which) of her brain to see if there is any metatastisizing to her brain. It's just in case in turns out to be malignant they would already know what's going on there.

I'm not sure what's going on if I'm starting to have my fun PMS symptoms or if I'm just not feeling well for any other reason. Last night I was tired. Today I'm tired. Throat a little sore. Had nasty diarrea after lunch today. Hope that was from the Chinese food I had from lunch. If it is, I will never go to that place again. However, these are all symptoms I have in my version of PMS. My temp hasn't dropped yet. I'm not really due until Wednesday if I can hold out for a LP of 14 days, but if it's still not fixed I could have a visit from AF by Sunday or Monday. We'll just have to wait and see what the weekend has in store for me.

Two great events yesterday... the site meeting for the house we're building and Phoebe is swimming a little with no swimmies. She's definately swimming, 'cause she can't touch the bottom! The site meeting for the house was great. Found out we can have a rear walkout basement instead of a side walkout basement. They are also going to break ground next week. We have another meeting with the designer lady on Sunday to finalize the options we are going with and to write the last check (for now). We've decided we want to just have all the front rooms carpeted. We'll put in the hardwood floors later. The markup from the builder is just too much. We know we can get a better price without using them. We picked up Phoebe from her grandparents again! I swear they'd steal her if they could. She spent most of the time swimming the past few days. We were told that yesterday she did try to swim a little twice without any swimmies on and she did very well. ...

Monday Meme 10 : 2005-07-25 : List Three 1. List three things on your desk: water bottle, picture of my DH and DD, cup of coffee. 2. List three things you are wearing: blue no-sleeve shirt, beige pants, black sandals. 3. List the last 3 things you ate: walnuts, pumpkin seeds, coffee. 4. List the last 3 people you touched: DH (Tom), DD (Phoebe), and DD2 (Corona, which is my dog, not DD which is dear daughter). 5. List three things you'd love to own: Our new house we're building, an Apple laptop, Canon SLR camera. I was the 69th person to take this week's Monday Meme!

I just found out my Nan (mom's mom) has a mass in her lung. They are doing a biopsy via needle on Monday to validate if it's malignant, but they quite believe it is. If it is, they'll send her to Philly to the University of Pennsylvania Hospital. Mom asked (after I offered, she was hoping) her and my aunt will be able to stay with us to be with Nan. We're only 30 minutes from Philly. They all live 3 hours from here. Please pray for my Nan. I'm not ready to let her go yet. Her sister, my Aunt Joan, just passed last year from a long battle with breast cancer. These ladies have both been a big impact in my life.

We had to go to the mall tonight to buy a baby shower gift for Tom's sister. I gave Phoebe 4 pennies to throw into the fountain at the mall and make wishes. She told us she made the following wishes: ice cream, popcicles, chocolate, and to go to Ma's house (Tom's Mom). We didn't have the heart to tell her the rule that if you tell someone what you wished for it wouldn't come true. How can you hurt the feelings of a cute girl with cute wishes???

I'm starting to feel more hopeful than ever that I will one day be pregnant on my own, without ART. As discussed in a previous post, even though my last cycle was a little messed up, my acupuncturist and I decided to stay the course and see what happens this month. I have to admit I've been a little worried, as my pre-ovulation BBTs have been pretty high for me (around 97.7 degrees). However, yesterday AM we started to turn a curve. My temps started going lower and today continued that trend. I can't wait to see if I ovulate on day 14 or if for some reason it goes longer. The main reason I'm feeling so good, is that on Monday at yoga class, I actually got a vision of me being in class pregnant and felt that it would happen sometime soon (and it wasn't because there was anyone pregnant in class to make me feel that way). But I felt so strong, young, and competent. I didn't have that old, crone, infertile feeling that usually pervades me. And I'm no...

We made some progress in Casa de Joys getting the house ready to be put on the market. We officially started working on the basement yesterday, cleaning the walls before we start painting and then putting up the frame and drywall. We ran out of the cleaner we found for the walls, and now we can't find it. Tom's going to go out at lunch today to see if he can find it again. We also bought a dehumidifier for the basement and it's doing a good job of sucking up the water out of the basement air. We're going to be picking up Phoebe tonight from her grandparents. She weaseled her way to stay longer. She really loves it there. Tom and I rented some movies last night. We watched Sideways after we finished as much wall washing as we had cleaner for. It was pretty funny. In keeping with the movie theme, we opened a nice bottle of wine. Well, I have a lot to do here at work, and I better get cracking.

Mmmmmmm..... Tom came home last night. V. v. v. nice. We're Phoebe-less tonight, so we're going to the movies. I really am a very lucky girl.

Phoebe had her ice skating class last night and she's doing very well. I'm so proud, my heart could burst. She started ice skating classes in January this year. She has progressed so well very quickly. Last night they were learning the first step in cross-overs, as well as beginning to learn to pick up one foot while gliding. She's not as good in the latter as she was with cross-overs. When she had extra practice time with me, she was trying to do them while skating and holding my hand. I think what I like the most is that she's having fun with it, learning how to do things with her physical being and that it can be fun. We don't have her signed up for anything else other than ice skating, and she does yoga with me a home. I'd rather have her focus on one activity and give it her all if she likes it. The liking it is very important. Every week I feel so sorry for this one little girl. Her mom makes her practice the whole 1/2 hour of free time on the ...

I went to the acupuncurist today and we discussed my confused hormones. We decided to stay the current course of action for another month. The thought is that the herbs are trying to clean the junk out. I decided based on my reading to add a few more things. So for those curious my list of herbs/supplements are as follows (BTW, this may sound excessive, but this is OK according to "The Infertility Cure"): Breakfast & Dinner 3 spoons Tang Kui herbs GNC Women's Ultra Mega multivitamin Vitamin E - 400 IU Vitamin C - 1000 mg (2) Hyporil (supplement for low blood sugar) (3) Sheng Fa Wan (for nails, hair, and blood supplement) Omega-3 supplement (2) Evening Primrose Oil - 500mg* (will only take before ovulation) (2) Acidophilus - 1 billion CPU* Vitex - 500mg (morning only) Royal Jelly - 625mg* (morning only) Lunch (3) Tang Kui tablets Vitamin C - 1000mg (2) Acidophilus - 1 billion CPU* * New addition this month We'll see how the addition of these item...